Newberry Party of 5

Boys Only...Girls Only

2010-10-14T22:40:00.000-05:00

"Girls Only!"...."Boys Only!"

These were signs that managed to get past me and taped to doors upstairs at my house. Then, being the great mom that I am, I never stopped to really read what was on these signs. Then yesterday my sweet, innocent little 4 year old daughter asked for help spelling out "Girls Only! No Boys in my room!" Her big brother actually helped her spell it. Then she got some tape and proceeded to hang it on her door. Since she wanted me to read it I finally discovered what was on the doors upstairs. All the signs went in the trash.

I want my kids to learn that we don't exclude others because they are different from us. We spent the day talking about how God gave us all gifts and that even though we are different it is because God wants us to be different. They seemed to at least start to understand. I know this is going to be an ongoing lesson with many set backs, but it has to start somewhere.

Diversity is not something to be scared of. God made us all unique and then to add on top of that we have all had unique lives that we have led to this point. This was made so very clear to me tonight. At the Bible study that I attended we split into 5 small groups. For us it was a random selection, but for God it was very intentional.

The group I selected was based on the fact that I knew one other person in the group and I knew the leader. Every other face was brand new to me. As we went around the circle and shared a tiny bit about our lives some tears started flowing. Some prayer started happening. And some walls started to come down. When we got to the last person I just knew that God had already started a work in our group. The last woman didn't feel like she belonged in our group because she thought she had nothing in common with us. Nothing, that is, until the woman right before her shared. Some of their life journeys were similar enough to make the last woman ready to share. I go into this only because it is such a picture of how God works. We thought we were a random group of women but God knew that we were meant to be together and grow together. Something very special happened tonight with a very diverse group of women.

We have all led different lives, but we have a few things in common. A desire to know God more, to know who we are in Him, and to do this with like-minded women who can become friends.

How can we grow if we are all alike? If we exclude others because they are not just like we are?

Acts 2:42-47 says
⁴²They devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and to the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. ⁴³Everyone was filled with awe, and many wonders and miraculous signs were done by the apostles. ⁴⁴All the believers were together and had everything in common. ⁴⁵Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need. ⁴⁶Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, ⁴⁷praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

See, we may be different, but we should be TOGETHER. The early church would have fallen completely apart if they had split themselves based on differences. But they were together and the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

So, there will be no "Boys Only" and "Girls Only" in our house. Because, you see, we girls have a lot to learn from those boys, and I am pretty sure it is the same the other way around!

Good Guess...Wrong Answer

2010-10-10T21:38:00.003-05:00

"Good guess!...Wrong answer!"

I don't know how many times I heard this come out of my 7th grade science teacher's mouth. He was a very encouraging man, and someone that we all could trust. He was also one of the few Christian men that I knew that was the real deal. And he, by God's happy coincidence, was also my youth pastor. Richard McGovert and his wife, Donna, were my first mentors. And they were just the right people to plant seeds of truth inside a tiny, scared, and insecure 12 year old. (me, if you didn't guess that one.)

Often during science class Mr. McGovert (as we called him at school) would ask us tough questions and we were never scared to try an answer. Because if we got it right then we were right. If we got it wrong we would hear, "Good guess, wrong answer." Then he would use it as an opportunity to teach us and encourage us at the same time. In his living room, McGoo (as we called him during youth gatherings) would also ask us the tough questions. Sometimes we would get it right, sometimes we would hear, "Good guess, wrong answer." Always, though, he was encouraging.

Sometimes I think I hear God whispering in my ear, "Good guess...wrong answer." Often this is when I am expecting one thing but get something else. A different response, a different attitude, a different anything than what I was expecting. And sure enough disappointment sets in. Discouragement settles into my heart. Frustrations rise at unmet expectations. Surely what I wanted was the right thing. Surely God would side with me on this one... But alas, no. I hear, "Good guess, wrong answer," whispered in my heart.

And then, yesterday He expounded on this simple thought. In that still soft whisper in the deepest part of my heart I heard, "Just do what I tell you to do, and I will take care of the rest." All God wants from me is me. He isn't worried about things not going the way I planned, even if my plan aligns with His word. See, all He wants from me is to do what He asks me to do, and He will take care of the rest. God doesn't disappoint, and he never gets the wrong answer!

Proverbs 19:21
Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails.

Fingerprints of God

2010-10-09T22:40:00.001-05:00

Our sweet Julia is a miracle. Period. But, so as not to leave you with a confused expression, I will explain. :) First of all we did not plan her, God did. Then she decided to slide into our world 8 weeks early. Well, she didn't really decide, the doctors did because she was shutting down my kidneys. (Remember this because we will touch on kidneys again here in just a bit.) A day or two before she was born the doctors ordered an ultrasound to check her vitals and to see if her lungs were working. (I had received those beautiful shots that make the lungs work sooner and my hiney hurt a lot.) When the ultrasound technician came in and got settled she grumbled that she didn't understand why she had to check the lungs because the lungs never work at 31 and 1/2 weeks, or 32 for that matter. I looked right at her and said, "You don't know how big my God is." She looked a little stunned that I would say that to her, but then just settled into her work. No less than two minutes later I heard her say, "I can't believe it, her lungs are working." HA!

So all my blood work got a little out of control and the doctors decided to induce. I say Julia slid into the world because that is how it happened. One big contraction, no pushing, no doctor, and the nurse just put her hand in the right place to catch Julia at the very last second. She got one puff of oxygen because I had drugs in my system to lower my blood pressure, and she was breathing/crying like a healthy full term baby. A true miracle!

Not once did I fret or worry about her or myself during this whole ordeal. I knew that God was in control and when she was able to eat on her own and maintain her body temperature I would get to take her home with me. God had this one covered and I wasn't about to take it from Him!

16 days later, on December 6th, almost 6 weeks before she was due, I got to take my little girl home. Not even 4 pounds and the most precious thing in the world!

She has not had to endure many of the trials that pre-term babies have to go through, but when there have been bumps in the road I would just plead for her to be left alone. I know there was one time when I got really mad at God only a few weeks after she was born because she got sick and ended up back in the hospital. But I have always claimed that I have never worried about her. And I think at the heart of it that is true. I have always known that God could and would heal her. I have never doubted that she would be healthy and grow into an incredible woman of faith.

But now, in the past couple of months, we have hit another bump in the road. Julia has some problems with her kidneys. Her right kidney is enlarged and her left ureter has a swinging valve and is letting fluid back up into her kidney. We got the official news on Thursday that Julia has grade II Vesicoureteral Reflux (VUR). When I heard this news I was fine. I knew God was going to heal her, either by a miracle of His hand or with modern medicine. There was not a doubt in my mind that God was bigger than this and that this was an easy one for Him. We had prayed God's word over Julia, and His word is truth.

And then I went to a women's event at my church. As I began to worship God in song I started to get mad at Him, like I did when Julia was in the hospital as a bity bity infant. I couldn't contain my tears I was just so frustrated. Why was God letting this happen? Why couldn't she just be left in peace to grow up healthy and strong and perfect?

At the end of the evening I had two very wise women speak straight into my heart. I am forever grateful to God that these two women took some moments to pour truth over me. You see, I hadn't learned to recognize the fingerprints of God. His word says that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus came to give life, and life to the full. (John 10:10) If it isn't life giving, it isn't from God. I shouldn't be mad at God because Julia is sick, I should be thankful that He came to this earth to give her life. And not just any life, but life to the fullest. I honestly cannot tell you what that looks like, but I can trust that God does. And because of that, I can rest in Him, knowing that He is totally in control.

I am still on this journey of discovering the details of God's fingerprints, but it is a journey that I am excited to be on. I am enjoying the real rest that I have discovered in knowing that I don't have to have all the answers, because my God does. And He loves my little girl more than I ever could.

Give Thanks

2010-10-07T17:45:00.003-05:00

So, a friend sent me a message asking if I blog. I said I haven't in a long time, then I thought...why not? Life has fallen into a rhythm that is comfortable and there isn't any reason why I shouldn't blog, so here I am.

My life is full to overflowing with blessings, but, sadly, I haven't written them down anywhere. Then my mentor asks me to write out a list of 100 things I am thankful for. How often do we take time to think of the things we are thankful for? Being thankful is more than just a once a year thing. I Thessalonians 5:18 says "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."

In all things? Yes in all things. In good times it is easy, though sometimes we forget that every good and perfect gift comes from God and we forget to give glory where glory is due. And in the bad or sorrowful times. Lately it seems like death is all around me. No one close to me has died, but death has been very close to people that I love, and so therefore it touches me too. But these times are not excluded. We need to be thankful at all times. I am not going to sit here and say that this is easy. We need time to mourn. But we cannot sit in our grief forever. If you are hurting, start by giving thanks that you have this day to live. Find something, anything, to be thankful for and watch as your eyes begin to open and see all that there is to be thankful for. Being thankful is a habit. It is a place that we choose to be until we are just naturally there.

I was going to list my 100 things in this blog, but things change, and in the last 48 hours I have heard of 5 people that have passed away. This is a time of hurting for many people that are close to me. I will not say that you need to just get over it. I know the pain of losing someone I love very deeply. But I will say that God knows how it feels to watch His son die. He knows your every hurt. Lean into Him and thank Him for being God. Thank Him for knowing how you feel. Thank Him that our life on this earth is not all there is. Thank Him that it is ok to be sad and to grieve. We can give thanks in ALL circumstances. Thanking God turns our thoughts from ourselves to Him and He is the only one who can comfort us in a time of loss.

My heart goes out to you if you are one who is in a time of suffering right now. I will leave you with this.

Romans 5

Peace and Joy

¹Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ²through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. ³Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

⁶You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. ⁷Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. ⁸But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Now that is something to be thankful for!

If you don't live for something, you're gonna die for nothing!

2009-05-25T00:11:00.002-05:00

Okay, so strange the things that you can learn from a cabbie, but this was a song that one of ours blared after a nice romantic 10 year anniversary dinner. I have much to write about, but will just say this for now. That was one wild ride! Will journal more about this most amazing weekend with my husband...probably tomorrow night. We'll see...

Fun Day

2009-04-29T22:06:00.002-05:00

I had such a great day with my kids! We played in giant mud puddles in the church lawn and got so wet they all came home in underware. Then it was showers and a movie with popcorn. Then they all did my hair up really pretty! After this we played with neighbor friends and then off to church for Caleb and Julia while Draden watched another movie while we had lifegroup. I'll post pictures tomorrow. But, ahhh, what a great day!
I love my family!!!!!

Daddy/Daughter date

2009-04-22T10:00:00.002-05:00

Last night Russell got to take Julia on their first Daddy/Daughter date. With her being number three, it took a while to get to a point where he could take her. They both loved it! The first picture was from before the date. They went shopping and then out for ice cream!
This was one of the outfits that they picked out. Didn't they do a great job! Oh how I love them!

living arrangements

2009-04-01T10:14:00.001-05:00

A couple of days ago I was driving with my kids to the chiropractor when the following conversation happened.
Draden: Hey mom
me: yes Draden
Draden: When I grow up I want to live right by Caleb so I can see him whenever I want to.

It blew my mind! Now, how do I foster that so it stays that way?

YEA!!!!!!

2009-03-20T10:03:00.002-05:00

BRYAN AND MINDI ARE ENGAGED!!!!!!!!

I was so excited that Bryan chose to let our life group be a part of this with them. I love my life groupies!

Tribute to Goodnight Moon

2009-02-27T13:42:00.002-06:00

And there were three little bears sitting on chairs...

This is Goodnight Moon come to life in our house.

I love these boys! I don't think we have gotten out of our pj's all week! I guess the chicken pocks make it unnecessary to get dressed!

Chicken pocks

2009-02-24T15:47:00.002-06:00

They are kind of hard to see, but this is what we have. I thought, as a good mom, I should document our fun with chicken pocks. Caleb calls them his spots. I think he has somewhere between 10 and 20. I am hoping that is all there is to this.
He has a cute belly button! :)

A night babysitting

2009-02-21T09:42:00.002-06:00

I spent last night babysitting some friends kids, just like I do do every other Friday night. It is a great trade-off because every other Friday night I get a date with my husband and we don't have to pay a babysitter! Anyway, it was a really quiet evening, and then my friends came home. That is my favorite part because I get to sit and talk with my sweet friend, Debra. I love to sit and chat with her. She has such a quiet spirit. I have a lot to learn from her. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends!

my princess

2009-02-19T20:36:00.002-06:00

From the front and from the back. My little JuJu was decked out as what she called "a pretty pricess" all day! I love this girl!!!!!

Today

2009-02-12T09:43:00.001-06:00

Today I am learning to trust God a little bit more and be willing to listen and heed what I trust He is telling me. If you read this today, please pray for me. God is molding me into His character. It just hurts sometimes. :)

Carol's heart

2009-02-08T21:46:00.000-06:00

I just love her! Tonight Carol asked if she could help the next time Hope Chest works on a house for another family! She was the first and now she wants to turn around and do it for someone else. I love her heart. Keep praying for her as her wrestling match with God continues!

two superheros and a princess

2009-02-06T09:49:00.002-06:00

Need I really say more?

summer?

2009-02-05T18:18:00.003-06:00

My boys apparently have had enough of winter because today they threw on their swim trunks and went outside put on sunscreen filled the water table and had a blast. At one time they turned on the sprinkler and I had to veto that. I didn't get pictures, but wish I had. Oh well, I guess I am gonna miss some things!

Ed

2009-02-02T22:06:00.006-06:00

Team Talent

Ed was a member of Team Talent (he is in the pink shirt in the front row). This was the "team" that went to LA to do the PSA for the 2008 3Day. Ed passed away yesterday. I have no details except that it was quick and it seems unexpected. My heart is so sad because I cannot go be with his wife Sherry on Wednesday. We checked all the flights and none of them can get me there and back on Wednesday. Please be in prayer for Sherry. She is a Breast Cancer survivor. Ed was her best friend and such a wonderful husband. You can see them in this video (it is the first one on the page). It is brief, but it is Ed.

I will miss you Ed, and I will see you when I get there.

Welcome to the Breast Cancer 3-Day: Videos

my boys

2009-01-29T16:40:00.005-06:00

Watch out world! Give him 10 years and Draden will be staring in the Winter X Games. He learned how to "snow board" on our plastic sled. By the time he was done he was doing some pretty cool tricks. Now if only we lived where there was snow/ice more than once a year! Sigh...

And then there is Caleb...
He will be starring in...oh never mind. He is a four year old boy who climbed to the top of our pantry and couldn't get down. So I did what any good mother would do. I took a picture and then got the ladder to help him down.

Snow Day

2009-01-27T17:27:00.004-06:00

Okay, Okay... until about two hours ago it was really actually an ice day. But we had fun anyway. Then the snow started coming down. So we will play in the snow tomorrow! With the passing first of Staci, then of Russell's grandpa I have decided to seize the day! Even if it is cold. I love playing with my kids!!!!

Draden getting ready to slide down the driveway with Austin.
Draden sledding down the driveway with Becca.
Jonathan, Caleb, Madison, and Julia getting ready to sled. I was ready to push! Julia and I went down a bunch of times together on the orange sled. We had a blast. Once I went down with Julia in front of me and Jonathan behind me. Amy's parting words? "I hope J doesn't pee on you. He has big boys on!"

Draden sledding on a cookie sheet. These go really fast!
Caleb making a snow angel! This morning he came down dressed in shorts a t-shirt and snow boots. He said he was ready to go play in the snow!

Our house when there was actual snow coming down. It is really pretty outside right now!

Confessional: Amy, Becca, and I stayed outside and sled down the driveway several times after all the kids had gone inside to warm up. I think we said "last time" about five times each. Who said grown-ups have no fun?!?

Hold on to your hats...This one is long but good!

2009-01-26T15:16:00.000-06:00

Stretch me, God.

While driving from the Life Church campus to the City Rescue Mission/Refuge for the annual block party, I chatted with God about what was going to happen. I had been serving breakfast at the City Rescue Mission for over a year, so hanging out with homeless people was not a stretch for me. In fact, if I wasn’t careful, I would spend all my time that day just hanging out with my friends who live at the mission. I wanted more than that. I wanted to be stretched. I wanted God to take me outside my box of comfort. So I took a deep breath and asked God to stretch me. If you have ever asked God something like that, you will understand why I had to take the deep breath. When a person asks God to do something, they need to be prepared for anything. So, stepping out of the parking garage downtown, I knew that I could be in for the ride of my life if I would just heed the promptings of God.

Once I was down on Shartel and California, I was in my element. These are my people. Just over a year ago God brought me to a place where I knew that it was my mission to just love these people that so many pretend they can’t even see. I was roaming from group to group saying hi and asking how breakfast was. There was a large group of people waiting across the street from the refuge (on the mission side of the street) waiting to cross and enter into the gated area where the block party was to take place. So I crossed to this group of people and there was a particularly large, loud man. Raving about how he needed medical attention. He asked me if there was medical and I answered that I didn’t know for sure but that the City Rescue Mission had a medical clinic. He told me that he had been barred from the mission and he could no longer go in for services, food or shelter. I asked if he would like me to check on how long he had been barred for and he answered yes. So into the mission I wandered.

As it turned out the people at the mission had never heard of this man. Make of that what you will. When I came out of the mission I turned the corner and there sat a woman who was very pregnant. Also there were two children in strollers, another woman, and a young man (my guess was early 20’s). I asked if I could sit down, they said yes. Then we proceeded to have a conversation.

So What’s Your Story?

It hasn’t been long since my sister-in-law, Amy, taught me a little trick that gets the people down at the mission (and really anywhere) to open up. That trick is to simply ask the question, “So what’s your story?” And then shut my mouth and listen. This is exactly what I did for this woman. After introductions all around, I found out her name was Carol, and she was on the streets with her brother and her two children. The other woman was someone they had met in their 3 days that they had been on the streets. Then I heard Carol’s story.

Carol was waiting for her sister in Minnesota to come pick her up. She had been on the streets for 3 days with her two babies. She was 38 weeks pregnant and had run out of living options in Oklahoma. DHS was involved and her biggest concern was that she had until the end of the weekend to come up with a plan to get off the streets or DHS was going to take her kids from her. And if she went into labor, she had no one to keep her other kids while she had her third child. I offered to keep them at that very moment, and she looked at me like I was crazy and said, “I don’t think I can just let you walk away with my kids. I’m sure you are nice and all, but what kind of mother would I be to let a complete stranger take care of my kids?” I knew my suggestion seemed crazy, but I let her know that my offer was on the table should she need a back-up plan. At this point I asked if I could pray for her. She said yes and I said a simple prayer of protection and wisdom.

At this point, I am sure most anyone else would have moved on to the next cluster of people to pray with them. That was our job as the prayer team, to pray with people. Well, I kind of changed my job description and stuck with Carol and her family for the rest of the day. We ate lunch together and talked all day. I let her use my phone to call her sister. She found out that her sister was not going to be able to come. The only time I saws Carol cry was when she realized that she didn’t want to go to her sister’s house. She knew she had made some bad choices and didn’t want to drag her family into it. She didn’t want to run any more.

The blessings.

I spent all day being blessed by the opportunity to get to become a part of this woman’s world. The more I listened, the more of her story she told me. She felt helpless. She was lost, oh so lost. She had run out of options. She felt like no matter what she did, she would lose her kids. She was paralyzed with the fear of losing her children. Any words I said that Saturday were purely from God. I could not in a million years have dreamed up the right words to say to her. Strangely, with the exception of our short prayer in the morning, our day looked a lot like the book of Esther. No mention of God, but completely controlled and guided by Him.

At the end of the day I got to make an offer to come back and see her the next day. Her two year old had gotten spaghetti sauce all over her shirt and Carol didn’t want her to get her picture taken like that. (Pictures were offered as a free gift to those we served that day.) So I told her I would be back the next afternoon to take some family pictures of her and the kids. It was my chance to prove that she could trust me.

Before I said goodbye I got to have a short but meaningful conversation with her. I had the opportunity to ask her what she thought about God. I hadn’t brought it up all day, but I thought it was important to know where she stood. Her answer? “With all that has happened in my life? All the bad things that have happened? I’ll tell you the truth; I stopped believing there was a God that cared about me a long time ago.”

Her honesty struck me. This beautiful woman had hit bottom and God placed me smack in the middle of her pit to be His light for Him. What an amazing blessing and gift to get to become a part of Carol’s world!

Earning her trust.

The next day I showed up at the Mission, just as I had said I would, with my camera in hand. Carol looked a little shocked that I followed through on this. Oh if she only knew!

Then, the next day, Monday, I showed up at the mission again. I had my kids with me, but she knew who I was and asked what I was doing there. I told her that I had come down to check on her. Then she said four words that told me that I was making some headway on this trust thing. “You came for me?” Why yes I did. I came again and again. Then on Friday morning I was serving breakfast, and when she walked in she greeted me like a friend. And something else incredible happened. She asked me if I was still willing to keep her kids for her when she had her baby. It is amazing what 6 days can do!

Follow through

The next Monday I got a phone call. Carol was in the hospital. But she wasn’t going to get to have her baby. She was dehydrated. I offered to take the kids for the night so she could try to get some rest. Imagine having a one year old and a two year old in a homeless shelter. You would never close your eyes. This was Carol’s life. So I kept her babies that night. I had to take them back to her the next morning because they were sick and needed to be seen at the clinic at the Mission. But then Wednesday I got a frantic phone call from Carol. Could I please come get the babies? DHS has given her a deadline to get them off the streets and the deadline was fast approaching. I jumped in my car and picked those sweet babies up. This filled my house. My children at the time were 5, 4, and 2. Add to that another 2 year old little girl and a 1 year old baby boy, and you have some crazy joyful chaos! But Carol knew she didn’t have choice but to trust me.

The next Monday Carol had her third baby, a girl. I took her other kids up to meet their new baby sister. By Wednesday Carol was leaving the hospital and she had made temporary plans to stay with a friend until she figured out what she was going to do.

At this point I could have prayed with her and let her go. But then I don’t think I would have been doing what God had called me to do.

Are you who you say you are?

At this point in our story, Life Church was being taught a sermon series called Practical Atheist. During this series many of us wore wrist bands that said, “Are you who you say you are?” Don’t you just love God’s timing?!?!?! I wore this band and it was a wonderful reminder of who I am called to be.

Carol had a temporary place to stay, but it didn’t even begin to fix her problems. She would still be on DHS radar until she had a home of her own and was taking care of her kids and in counseling. This is where I dove in head first and prayed that I was doing the right thing.

My brother-in-law owns some properties. One, in particular, he had just fixed up and was going to offer as section 8 housing. He offered it to Carol. So Carol applied for section 8 housing. Then we showed her the house. She loved it. Then she was told that she could live there for free until her funding came through, and that we would provide a bed for her and her kids.

Okay! So we didn’t exactly reveal to her what we were really going to do. Or should I say, what God was going to do. Upon returning home I sent out this email.

Dear friends,

Recently I went on a day mission with my church, LifeChurch, and several other churches. We did a "Block Party" downtown for the homeless and poverty stricken people who live downtown. I serve weekly at the City Rescue Mission, so on the way downtown I did some praying. I asked God to stretch me, and boy did He. Without going into all the details of the last 3 weeks of our journey I will tell you that we have hit a little road block.

The lives that God chose to intertwine with ours is a woman named Carol and her three children (ages 2, 1, and 2 weeks!) The baby was born after I met her. They are now off the streets and living with a friend. My extended family has supplied a place for her to live with her children. She has filled out the section 8 forms. She wants to get her life going and I intend to see her though it all. She is my friend.

This is where you come in.

We have a move-in date set for next Sunday. We want to have her whole house furnished and supplied when she moves in. This includes everything from dishes to picture frames to clothes in the closets hanging on hangers. We are also searching for a car so she can get to a job and take her kids to day care.

I am asking you to think big and give big. If you are a Life Churcher too, think of this as your chance to practice what you learned this past weekend.

If you have any questions or want to help with decorating or if you have a truck and some time or can assist in any way please email me and/or give me a call. Thank you in advance for giving BIG!!!!

Trusting that God is who He says He is,
cissa
Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us. Isaiah 26:12

I think this was the week that Craig talked about giving big! So I used his sermon as a spring board, and boy howdy did it work! We turned that house into a home. When all was said and done I think we counted up over 35 people that helped by giving or by getting dirty. Many of them I had never met before. It was so wonderful to see how God had worked in each person’s life to bring them to a point of caring about Carol. We even had a car donated! Someone from People’s Church had called someone that Amy was in a lunch meeting with and asked if anyone needed a car! Amy was blown away and got to share Carol’s story and she got a car!

When we brought her to the house Saturday night, she was moved to tears. She didn’t understand why so many people would want to help. She had never seen the body of Christ move! The thing that hit her the hardest was when I walked her to her bedroom. She saw her bed and said, “I’ve never had my own bed before.” I know of at least one person who appreciates her bed more after hearing Carol say that. See, Carol grew up in the foster care system, and nothing she ever had was her own. Until now.

The story isn’t finished.

It took us a few days after that to actually get Carol into her house. We had some hang-ups with the utilities, but God’s timing is so perfect. It all came together on the following Wednesday and Carol moved in with her 3 kids. But of course we can’t leave it there. Carol has become my friend. I get to go hang out with her. Amy and I have gotten to share with her about who Christ is and pretty much why we do what we do. (Which I’ve gotta say I never did to this extent before Carol!) She asked some very though provoking questions. We answered the best we knew how. And every once in a while she will ask another question, and I answer with guidance from God. I’m not a scholar, but I know that He saves and He redeems!

A couple of days after she moved in I asked her if she would come to church with me on Christmas Eve. She said that she would like that. Oh how I am praying that we have planted all the seeds that we could! I can just envision that lives that could be touched by Carol. What a powerful tool she could be for God if she would just let Him in and Trust Him. So at this point we pray. Her story isn’t finished yet!

How God has changed me.

I never expected to be so involved with single moms who need so much help. It is so different from the life that I lead. This is a true testimony to how we don’t really pick what God has in store for us. Our job is to put our yes on the table and then wait for whatever He asks us to do. Since meeting and helping Carol, her former DHS worker (yes, former. She got a home and her case was closed!) has called and asked if I could help other moms. I have called in the troops of Christ and they have responded with gusto! Now I am looking at renting a storage unit and storing items that make a home so that when God brings others my way I will have some sort of inventory. Where did this ministry come from? And who thought that I was the one who would be so blessed to get to be a part of it? Not from me. Not in a million years. God had a job that needed to be done, and I asked Him to stretch me. Will I think twice about asking that again? Not on your life! My life has changed, my husband’s life has been changed, and my children’s lives have been changed. Even my 6 year old has found that he loves to give and he loves to serve. (Most of the time. He is 6!)

And the most amazing thing that I have discovered is this. God can use anyone to make an impact for Him. All we have to do is say, “Here I am Lord, Send me!”

And the Story Continues

Christmas Eve morning I went to pick up Carol and her children. We pulled into the parking lot and she nearly giggled that we were picked up on a golf cart. We fit three moms (Amy was with us) and 8 children on that cart! Then we checked in and took the kids to their rooms. Carol was simply mesmerized by Lifekids. We went into find our seats, and that is when the fun began. Amy and I met up with our husbands and we all got ready to worship. There really isn’t a word good enough to describe Carol’s face and demeanor about the worship. Awestruck would be okay. Like a kid in a candy shop would probably be more accurate. She was definitely overwhelmed. And though she didn’t understand everything that Pastor Craig said, she was very interested in learning about it.

On the way home she said she would like to come again. I said, “I’ll pick you up at 10:30.” I had to give up serving in Lifekids for a while, but somehow I don’t think Craig would mind. I am Carol’s only way to church until she gets her driver’s license. Anyway, Carol has only missed one week since Christmas Eve and that was because she and her kiddos were really sick. But even on the weekend that my family was on vacation in Missouri she found another ride to church. This time Amy took her on a Saturday night at the South Side campus. And this time she got to meet Rosa who happened to be featured that same weekend. When I called Carol to ask her about church she was so full of questions. Her biggest was, “How can Rosa be so excited about praising a God that let such horrible things happen to her?” She wasn’t being cynical. She was being honest. Carol has had a life that most of us could never even fathom living through in our worst nightmares. She wanted to know how someone could trust God and forgive people who have hurt them so much. Oh, the seeking that is happening right now. What Carol needs most right now is the biggest dose of forgiveness that God can dish out. Not just for her sins (because we all need the same amount of that) but forgiveness that will spill out to every person who has shoved her into the million pits that she has been in.

I am always very honest with Carol. She knows who I stand for and she likes that I speak the truth without judging her. I always tell her “When you choose Jesus…” I never say “If.” I think she knows that she will never be able to forgive what people have done to her on her own. It will take, very literally, an act of God. But first she needs to choose God. And she knows that. She tells me she knows that God seems to be the only way. And she tells me that she is still seeking. To be honest, I think she is engaged in quite a wrestling match with God. He is everything she has never had. She wants Him, but is scared to take that leap of faith. Still, I keep on praying.

A ministry being born

I was all kinds of okay with just being available to God and doing it without putting a name to what I was doing. Then it was brought to my attention that agencies take you more seriously (and treat you 1000 times better) if you have a name attached to you. So, Amy and I have a name and a purpose. This makes it easier for us to serve the needy in Oklahoma City. Our ministry is twofold. First we have The Tapestry Project. “Weaving together the resources in Oklahoma City.” There are so many resources to help the needy in OKC, but it is so hard to piece them all together. This is where we come in. We want to make the resources easier to use for those who need them. The second ministry is birthed out of my storage unit. It is Hope Chest OKC. Basically we want to use this to fill homes for families that are starting over. The details are yet to be worked out, but these were the needs that we saw, so we are doing what we can, being available, and seeking God with all our hearts, to try to fill in the gaps.

Carol's Story

2009-01-20T17:11:00.002-06:00

I am currently working on editing and adding to Carol's story. I plan on adding it soon. Also, Amy and I are putting together a way for people to serve those who are trying to start life over again. Be watching for a way to join us in loving and serving God's children. It is what we were all born to do!

loose tooth, pink eye, ear infection, and a broken finger

2008-12-22T22:49:00.002-06:00

so that was my day in a nutshell!
The day started kinda full on plans. Mostly, Amy and I wanted the kids to have a fun day full of mommy time and playing before we got busy with all the Christmas festivities. Before the play came the shopping for people who needed food. Then after Walmart we took the kids to a play place for some grub and fun. While we were there, Caleb complained about his mouth hurting. So I checked his teeth and a front one was loose and slightly bloody. I would like to say that this was a natural phenominon, but I would be lying. Yesterday he was jumping off of the couch when he fell and bloodied his lip. I soothed him and washed him and sent him on his way. Little did I know that he had loosened the tooth. So I made an appointment to see the dentist this afternoon. But first I had to run groceries to Carol. Then I took the other two to Amy's and off to the dentist we went.
Good news! Caleb's tooth was already just being held in by tissue, so no damage done. Just wiggly until it decides to come out.
Then when we got back to Amy's she said that Julia;s eye was looking really bad and she thought I should take her to the doctor. She was totally right, so I made an appointment. We left Draden and Caleb with Amy. I said something along the lines of "Don't let Draden break a bone or I will be three for three."
I had barely made the highway when I got a call from Amy. Draden had gotten his hand smashed in the door. He was screaming and was having a hard time moving his fingers. I told her to meet me at the doctor's office.
First the doctor looked at Julia. Yep, she has an ear infection and the pink eye to go with it. None of my kids have ever had either of these ailments, but there you have it.
Then she looked at Draden's hand. She told us to go over to the hospital and get it x-rayed.
Draden got to look at his pictures when he was done, and sure enough, he has a fractured index finger!
I was three for three!
When I went to Walgreens to get all the meds and first aid gear I needed, I also picked up "good patient" gifts for each of my children. The likelyhood of us having another day like this anytime soon is slim. The surprise made putting the splint on his finger worth it for Draden. And the splint actually helped it feel better. Julia is just a mess, but the eye drops shoul dhelp quickly and of course there are the antibiotics for the infection. Caleb, well, Caleb is just a boy and the dentist almost seemed proud of him for knocking his tooth loose. Seems our dentist did that when he was 8 by jumping off the coffee table.
Quite an eventful day! But the best part is that we still had time to serve another family in the midst of our chaos. And as Draden told Amy today at Walmart, "You are giving a present to Jesus when you give Christmas to a family who wouldn't get one if you didn't help."

Hooray!

2008-12-10T18:05:00.001-06:00

I found my writing about Carol! Just thought I would share!!!!!!

frustrated and gross!

2008-12-10T16:27:00.002-06:00

I had a really good start on my story about Carol saved to my computer. Now I can't find it! Just a little frustrated about that!!!!!!!

Gross! Megan dissected a shark today for marine biology. It smelled bad and was disgusting. But also very very cool!!! Of course I wasn't the one who had to touch it with my bare hands. Kuddos to Megan who did it with only one glove! :)

Is he six?!?!?!

2008-12-05T15:24:00.005-06:00

This week we celebrated 6 years with our firstborn. I am so amazed by this child every day. He loves to read and learn new things. He likes to create. He has an opinion of his own about a lot of things. (this can be tiresome at times, but most of the time it is pretty cool and often funny!) He has a heart for people who have nothing and he wants to share what he has with them. Though he will be quick to tell you that he doesn't want to give his money to the government because they already have more than enough! :)

Being his mommy has brought challenges, but mostly great joy. God has used this child to connect me with Him in more ways than I can even describe. I am forever grateful that we are so blessed to be called his mommy and daddy.

My prayer for him is that he may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ!
I love you Draden!!!

Blowing out the candles!
With Beth and Hallie

Bryan and Mindi rock, Dude!

Austin, Colton, Madison, and Draden, a motley crew!

Draden and his best friend, Madison!

Draden and Colton

(after this picture was taken they wrestled eachother to the ground!)

Crazy moms! Amy and Debra!

Mindi and Beth

Colton, Austin and Draden

Austin and Draden

We had so much fun celebrating with all of you!

Calling in the battle troops!

2008-11-17T21:42:00.001-06:00

Dear friends,

This is where you come in.

I am asking you to think big and give big. If you are a Life Churcher too, think of this as your chance to practice what you learned this past weekend.

What we need:

pretty much everything that will make a house a home!

sizes

Carol: size 8-9 shoes

size 12-14 clothing

2 year old girl:

She wears 4t clothing

I am not sure about shoes but somewhere between a 9 and 11

1 year old boy:

18-24 month clothing

size 4 diapers

infant girl:

infant clothing

size 1 diapers

If you have the next size up for any of the kids that would help in the long run for them.

If you have any questions or want to help with decorating or if you have a truck and some time or can assist in any way please email me and/or give me a call. Thank you in advance for giving BIG!!!!

Trusting that God is who He says He is,
cissa

Lord, you establish peace for us; all that we have accomplished you have done for us. Isaiah 26:12

60 miles in 3 days

2008-11-11T12:52:00.003-06:00

So I am now in day two of my recovery from my recent walk. I am actually in great shape. My feet don't want to fit into tennis shoes, but other than that I am great! The walk was much prettier and I think easier than last year. I plan on signing up for next year soon. I am so proud of the girls that I took down there with me. Each walked what they could and made a huge difference in the lives of people they will never meet. I love you girls!

$5 or $100?

2008-11-04T16:41:00.003-06:00

So our new sermon series at church comes at an interesting time in my family's life. Last Wednesday we took in two little ones (1 and 2) that live at the City Rescue Mission with their mommy. This was to be until mommy had the new baby. Which she did yesterday! Yea! A beautiful little girl!!!!! That to say that I think that God is testing to see if I have a $5 faith or $100. Will I be obedient with all my life or do I hold back?

You came for me?

2008-10-20T19:56:00.002-05:00

I spent Saturday with a woman named Carol. Then I went back downtown to take her pictures on Sunday. Well this woman without a home probably thought that was the last she would see of me. Until I showed up on Monday just to check on her. I took my kids down to the mission to see if she had been able to get into the program. When I found her (still on the emergency side) she asked what I was doing down there. When I told her I was there checking in on her she was a bit stunned. Carol is not a girl that cries when people are looking, and I saw the tears in her eyes when she said, "You came for me?"

I guess it was pretty powerful that I cared enough about her to go check on her.

This is a woman I want to get to know. I don't want to fix her. I want to be her friend and do what any friend would do.

God, where is this one going?

The block party

2008-10-19T21:06:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was the second annual Oklahoma City Block Party. I wasn't able to make it last year, but this year it was a priority to me. I have been volunteering down at the City Rescue Mission for just over a year now, and those are my peeps!

When signing up for the mission, I asked that I be put on a team that would be allowed to wander, because I didn't think that I would do my job well unless my job was to love on the people. They put me on the prayer team which gave me permission to go where I was led when I was led there and didn't have to ask for permission to do anything.

So the morning started with me wandering through the City Rescue Mission with my friend Kelle (who is a graduate of the program at the City Rescue Mission) to find out why and for how long a man had been barred from the mission. At least this was my intention. The guys at the desk had never heard of this man before. So when we came out the doors and around the corner of California and Shartel I met the real reason why I had come down to the block party.

Her name was Carol, and she had two babies (ages 1 and 2) and another on the way. She is due in two weeks! She was there with her brother Anthony and a friend they had met while on the streets, Christina. Anthony and Carol had been on the streets since last Wednesday.

Her story is long and complicated, as stories usually are. There came a point when I asked to pray with them and then when most people would have moved on to the next homeless person...I stayed with them. I felt drawn to Carol. I spent the whole day with this group just talking and mostly listening. She needed to get off the streets ASAP. She was in danger of having her kids taken away. She felt completely hopeless. She didn't know what to do and even if there was anything she could do to keep her kids.

Her brother had already been looking into getting into the program but wasn't going to do anything until he knew his sister was safe. So I had him by my side pouring into her the benefits of the program at the City Rescue Mission.

By the end of the day she started to really consider the program as an option. And I started to see her as a friend. I told her I would come back Sunday to take pictures of her with her kids minus tomato sauce stains.

Sunday I showed up and she was a little surprised. My goal in taking the pictures was to show her that I was a girl of my word. I wanted her to trust me, so I started little. And the pictures are so cute!

I cannot wait to see what God has in store for this relationship. I want Carol to trust Him, so I want her to trust me so she will begin to believe what I say about Him.

My delicate flower

2008-10-17T17:59:00.003-05:00

This picture is small because I took it with my phone at the doctor's office. Yesterday Julia had a run-in with our brick house, and the house won! She was riding her tricycle. Our very own Evil Conevil. (or however you spell it...you get my meaning!)
She basically burned off the top layer of her skin. Funny thing was that the thing that made her the most mad was that we had to remove the Sponge Bob band aide that her daddy had put on it last night. She kept crying, "Daddy, Sponge Bob, Owie!"
The doctor said that if we treat it twice a day there should be little to no scarring. Poor thing! She is quite a sight.

Local News

2008-10-17T11:29:00.004-05:00

Okay, I am not a fan of local news. So many times I see "stories" that aren't news, but more like gossip. It is a silly waste of my time. HOWEVER...now I know which station I will watch when I do think about turning it on. Channel 9. And my reason may seem silly to some, but it is my reason. Here is the story.
I go to a chiropractor who just happens to be my neighbor. Matt Yost. (He is really great by the way. doesn't rip you limb from limb to adjust you:) ) Robin Marsh (from news 9) also goes to see Matt. I have seen her there before all done up. It looked like she had just done the news, but for all I knew she looks like that all the time. She is very pretty! Then we saw her again today. Only today she looked like a normal everyday mom. No make-up. comfy clothes. like someone you would be friends with. Once again, she is very pretty. So today I walked in with my three crazies...I mean kids...and she was on the roller table. (this is a contraption that rolls up and down your back while a pad under you vibrates. It is AWESOME!!!!) she saw Draden and Caleb and asked if they were twins. Then when she got off the table and I got on it she started up a conversation with Draden. She asked how old he was and then asked where he went to school. He said he was home-schooled and she said, "Well, you must be pretty smart then." Then they went into this whole dialog that I did not hear much of. The point is that she talked to him like a person and not like a little kid. She earned my respect by her character in how she treated a five year old boy.

This woman, Robin Marsh, showed her true character in a simple conversation with my son that made me smile. I know they talked about what he had been learning in the Bible among other topics. Draden liked her and thought she was fun to talk to.

So there you have it. My reason for choosing channel 9 should I choose to watch the local news. You may think it is silly, but out of the overflow of the heart comes our words, and she had such kind and thoughtful words with my son.

Some Celebs

2008-10-13T22:41:00.001-05:00

Just a couple of the people I met on our vacation...

We got hitched!!!

2008-10-13T08:32:00.004-05:00

In Vegas Baby! That's right after nine years, 4 months, and some odd days we thought it would be fun to say "I do" again in Vegas. We didn't pay the obscene amount to have Elvis sing at our wedding (though I was tempted) but I did get a picture with him after the ceremony.

Russ and I had a great time during our long weekend in Las Vegas. It was a good romantic time away that took basically no pre-planning and was just a blast!

On our gondola ride
Which vacation was this?
The Fountains at the Bellagio
At night!
My surprise show....it's Bette!
Russ waiting to see the Beatles' show, Love

Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-08T13:50:00.007-05:00

Today was our first visit to the pumpkin patch. We had a ton of fun and Amy even worked us a deal where we can get a season pass. Never been done before, so all we have to do is figure out what he needs to do this for all of his customers and then we get in the rest of this year free. Pretty cool. I am glad I asked and then really glad that she followed up and followed through! I took no for an answer, and Amy tried again. Good deal, since we will both get our families in for free if we work it out together! Okay, so her good business sense aside....here is what you all want to see. Some great pics of some even greater kids! enjoy! (oh and I need to point out...Draden is 5 and therefore cannot take a picture without making a face. I had to catch him by surprise to get a normal pic. It is in his very nature to make faces!)

The Newberry Kids!
and one with their mommies
Weston and Alex...we love these kids!
Draden and Madison. Their 5th year to visit this patch!
Me and my baby girl!
Sweet Julia!
Julia and Caleb watching the ducks.
Draden jumping off the haystack

Caleb jumping off the haystack...he actually did it first!

Not to be outdone by her brothers!

Draden and Alex
Draden picking his pumpkin
A Julia sized pumpkin!
And one for Caleb
What's gonna work? Teamwork!

What a fun day with all the cousins!

Ponder this

2008-10-07T13:25:00.002-05:00

The question posed by my 5 year old today:
"If I want to make good choices, why do I make bad choices? I don't want to make bad choices, but I make bad choices when I want to make good ones."

Seriously....a quote from his lips.

Exploding Coke!

2008-10-06T17:02:00.004-05:00

Today we had Cousin Madison and Cousin Jonathan over for a little science experiment. We watched and did some hands on experimenting with the differences between physical reactions and chemical reactions. There was some great excitement and a lot of curiosity during the afternoon. Thanks to Deleise for this awesome idea! Now for some pictures!

What reaction does the Coke have to Salt?

What reaction does the Coke have to shaking it?

What reaction does the Coke have to Smartees?

HMMMM...What is in there?
What will the Coke do when you put in 7 Mentos? Wow!
These "formal"experiments were followed by some of the best kind of experiments. The kid kind! Nothing exploded, but they sure had fun!

Madison ready to experiment!
Madison adding a little exercise to her experimentation!
Draden trying a little (read a lot!) of salt!
Caleb, Julia and Jonathan checking out Draden's experiment.
Even Caleb was able to give this one a try!
We had such a great afternoon! I love home education!!!!!

Shoes for Orphan's Souls

2008-10-05T15:11:00.004-05:00

Hey Guys! Have you ever wanted to change someone’s life with the simple click of a mouse? Here you go…

Lifechurch is teaming up with http://www.shoesfororphansouls.org/ to supply shoes to needy children. All you have to do is go to this website and choose the pair (or pairs) you would like to donate. Then mark “ship to registry address”. That’s it! You just blessed a child. Help me make a difference and send a child a pair of shoes today!

Seriously… the OKC Campus goal is 6,500 pairs of shoes for kids. That’s a lofty goal for our campus. But nothing if we get the word out. Help me make a dent in this number. Help us exceed it in ways we can’t imagine. Post the paragraph above on your blog. Give others the opportunity to join this cause.

(this was from my friend Gina's blog. I assume she will not prosecute me for copy write! :) Help put some shoes on some feet y'all!)

update on victory

2008-10-03T23:30:00.002-05:00

So it has been a full three weeks since I declared Victory in God's name over my rising temper with my kiddos. And you know what I have found? A new frustration. It seems that God still doesn't want just a part of me. I have fully given over my relationship with my oldest son so that God can show His might where I am at my weakest. This is a complete victory in Him...and it happened overnight! I give Him the glory for it every day because it is not something that I could do on my own. But now what?!?! I have found that I am still dealing with my middle child on my own strength. Apparently this was one I could handle on my own because the other needed so much help. But now I find my frustration rising with him when it never really had before. I can still claim that I have not raised my voice in anger or frustration since the retreat, but it has gotten close. Starting tomorrow morning I need to hand my sweet four year old over to God as well. And for good measure I should add my two year old to the list because I am sure I can't do her on my own either. Why am I so slow to learn sometimes? Satan wants to attack and my weakest border is my parenting. Why would I think I could do any of it on my own?

I have been so excited about the changes in our entire family dynamic. I love to be with my kiddos and even my husband has commented on the changes. Sure there is still the craziness of living in a world with kids, but when I don't try and do it all in my power, then I have more than enough of God's power to live as He always planned for me to live.

I am so thankful that God gave me the children He gave me so that I could learn to rest entirely in Him!

Trust, Depend, Obey

2008-09-16T15:25:00.004-05:00

Cheryl Lange is such an amazing teacher. This past weekend at the retreat she allowed God's word to just pour from her in such a way as to lead me right to where I need to be. I kind of felt like she was just talking to me. The best part was that she didn't just give it all to me at once. She delivered bite sized amounts of wisdom that when pieced together culminated in how to deal with my life's greatest challenge. Being a mommy.

For years I have struggled with my lack of patience. I could lose it quite quickly and then my voice would raise. Before I knew it, I was yelling at my kids. They are kids. Little ones. But God has been doing such a work in my heart to prepare me for the retreat.

I think it started with the trip to San Antonio to see Beth Moore. God started to pull my oldest boy to the forefront of my mind. Then throughout the weeks between that trip and the retreat I just felt more and more pull toward trying to figure out how to be a better mom. Like I could make the change on my own! HA!

But then I walked into the retreat (which I actually tried to avoid going to) and God turned my world upside down. Just the way He likes it!

Night one: Colossians 1:9-12 key word:power....comes from weakness and brokenness and humbleness(2 Cor. 12:9) The purpose of power is for endurance and patience. The amount of power? According to His glorious might. The RESULT? JOY!

This was when I became broken. See...I don't have a very hard time doing most things in life. My marriage comes pretty easy. (How could it not with a husband like my Russell?) I have the utmost patience and mercy and grace with most everyone. Except my oldest child. I saw that first night that God wanted to do a great work in me, but I wasn't allowing it. I was doing everything on my own. I saw then that what He wanted was to draw me to Him and He gave me my son so I would do just that.

There was a lot of release that first night, but I still didn't quite know what to do with it. Then came

Saturday morning: My identity in Christ: holy, blameless, and above reproach (Colossians 1:22) I need to stop living out of what I act like and begin to live out of who I am. When I rest in Jesus He empowers me to do anything He calls me to do. (v. 29)

So I walked away from this teaching trying to figure out the practicality of it all. How was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to just let Him have the power and be that person that He says I am?

Moving on to Saturday night! Two things stood out for me during this night's teaching. The first was from Colossians 2:6. Therefore, as you recieved Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.
We hear the phrase "walk the talk", but how exactly do we do that walk? Cheryl explained it in three steps. 1.Trust 2.Depend 3.Obey. We have to trust Him and that He is who He says He is. We have to depend on Him, that He will do what He says He will do. And We have to obey Him. We have to do the things that He tells us to do. When we try to meddle in steps one and two, we always mess things up. Then we choose not to do step three and we blame God or other people. All we have to do is walk those three steps.
The second thing that popped really huge in me was how Satan deceives us. (verse 8) He takes us captive in his lies so that we cannot let ourselves be filled with the power of God. There is also a 3 step battle plan for this. 1.Know who Jesus is. 2.Know what Jesus has done. 3.Know who I am in Him.

What He did can be so powerfully found in Colossians 2:13-15. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them.

What I need to do when I doubt who I am in Him is draw my line in the sand. What was my line when Satan attacked and told me I am not a good mom and never would be? That I would always lose my patience and always yell? This was when the practical kicked in. I needed to figure out my line in the sand. I left that night's teaching with thoughts racing, but no idea how to confront my enemy when he popped up. (which is several times a day.)

Then I had the most amazing conversation with my cabin mates. Only 5 of us remained for the last night and we talked until 3 in the morning. At around 1 or so I found my line.

I am the Mommy that God chose from the beginning of time for my three children. God does not make mistakes.

Not only did I have my line, but I had hope! Because I knew that I would fail at some point, but there is such a beauty to what Jesus did for us. See, He knew from the beginning of time that I would fail. He also forgave me for it the moment I came to Him and believed and asked Him to be the savior and Lord of my life! So there is no condemnation.

So I have my line, my defense against my enemy. And I have my hope.

And then came Sunday morning. The how. How am I going to be able to draw the line when I need to. See I have already established that this was too big for me. Even with the right tools I can't do it on my own. And the answer came in the form a a verse. (as good answers always do!)
Colossians 4:2 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

I pray every morning (and all day if needed). I recognize that victory comes from God and not from me. I ask God to help me draw my line when I need to. And I am THANKFUL! I am thankful that in Him I have victory. I am Thankful that He gave me my son so that I would have to draw near to Him. I am Thankful that I cannot do it on my own. Because if I could do it, it wouldn't get to bring God all the Glory that it will.

Philippians 4:6-7 sums it up nicely.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Got it all together

2008-09-15T16:00:00.007-05:00

So when you look at the moms around you do you shrink inside because you think they have it all together? Do you think you could never be really real with them because they might think you a bit strange because you don't have it all together? Okay, I answer yes to these questions all the time. Then I volunteered to do the registration and room assignments (among other things...I really need to learn to say "no" more...or just quit volunteering when my plate is full...) for the Lodestar Fall Retreat. I decided to put myself in a cabin with people I thought had it all together. Maybe I could learn something from them. And I did! I learned that maybe it wasn't so strange that I didn't have complete calm in my house all the time. It was pretty "normal" that I felt alone sometimes. It was pretty "normal" to be a lot of things that I am and thought no one else was. What was said in that cabin will never leave that cabin, but it was good to be so deeply real with other women.

didn't like it

2008-09-09T19:31:00.004-05:00

If you look closely, her little belly did not like the stickers. We took them off hours ago, but her belly has perfect little red marks. It freaked my poor husband out when he undressed her for her bath. When I showed him the before picture he laughed. Look closely and you can see an igloo, a cross, a fish. What else can you see? oh and you can't cheat by looking at the sticker picture. Those stickers came off and a new canvas went on a little later. But the same sort of stickers were used. That is all the hints you get!

the perfect canvas!

2008-09-09T09:58:00.002-05:00

Who needs paper when you are born with the perfect canvas for foamy stickers?!?!?!? (and it made for a good fine motor skills activity :) which is why there were sticker backs all over my kitchen floor. I love it when they give my mess a really good excuse!) Notice the chocolate chip muffin leftovers on her face. Isn't she a miracle!

Music

2008-09-08T18:42:00.005-05:00

Music is made of two things. Sound and Rhythm. At least that is what I told my little class today. My class is made up of my 3 nieces and my oldest son. We are going to do a 2 hour music/speech and drama class every other week. It should be fun! The group pic is Beth, Draden, Hallie, and Madison showing the world their rhythm makers. The other picture is how my son works best. Do you really want to know any more?

The face smash

2008-09-07T19:32:00.001-05:00

How a four year old looks at 6 pm if he has played hard all day and not taken any sort of rest. I love him!!!!

slow down!

2008-09-04T02:33:00.004-05:00

I am having trouble slowing down at night lately. Just check out the time of this post. Yes I do take a sleeping pill, but I seem to not be able to make the brain stop. I think this is a sign that I am trying to do too much.

Here is my man Dre with one missing tooth on top. This was two Thursday's ago.

Then the very next night he was missing both! Now we are just hoping it stays this way until Christmas. Sing with me...."All I want for Christmas is my _____ _____ _____!"

Too much fun!

2008-09-03T00:52:00.002-05:00

The Best trip I have ever taken! Only made so much fun because of my very own bored gargoyle!

Notre Dame was amazing...it had better be after the 370 stair steps to the top.

What better way to turn 30 and spend your anniversary than in Paris with the best man in the world?

I must go to bed now, I am having too much fun!

Move over Beth Moore

2008-09-03T00:48:00.004-05:00

So this is my new screen saver. A great reminder of what God taught me on the roadtrip to San Antonio. This group of women were used as vessels to change my life. Move over Beth Moore, here come the Edmond girls! (just a side note...Beth Moore was awesome and taught some amazing truths!)

love my babes!

2008-09-03T00:36:00.003-05:00

These are my babies! Well, they aren't really babies anymore, but I guess they always will be to me. Julia (2), Draden (5 and 1/2..that half is important by the way), and Caleb (4). They are my mess and I love them for it! God is using them everyday to teach me things I never thought I would even want to know. But mostly, I live for the moments when Draden says, "Mom I love this, can we please do more home school?" Or when they laugh so hard they snort, or when they crawl up into the big blue chair just to rock with me. Not so much when they are my alarm clock at 7:15 with a not so pleasant..."No! It's mine!" But all the same. They are such a magnificent blessing, and I guess my greatest fear is that I will do them wrong. I'm told I can't, but for a girl who generally doesn't worry, if I had to admit my greatest fear, that would be it. One of the many things that God is using these wonderful children for. Teaching me to trust to my very core. Oh, how I love them!

Bon Jovi

2008-08-29T17:02:00.003-05:00

Going back a bit....This is the sisters, all gussied up for Jon (Bon Jovi that is) We had a blast! We went and saw him when he came to OKC on April 15. Yep, just going back in time. I like the picture thing. I think I will back up again....very soon!

The blanks in my life

2008-08-29T16:29:00.002-05:00

I apparently am not any good at keeping a blog that is updated. Maybe it is because nobody ever reads it. I should be more faithful.
So as soon as I figure out the finer things of blogging (such as how to post pictures and stuff) I will make it public and I will tell of the great things that have happened in my world. Can I pre-date my stuff? Because I could go back a ways and fill in the blanks. I don't want to have blanks in my life! ARRRGGGG!!!!!

One year

2008-07-17T16:17:00.002-05:00

Today is July 17th.

What a journey this year has been. A year that God has really revealed Himself to me. He gave me opportunities to turn out and serve others instead of turning in and sitting in sadness. Don't get me wrong. Feeling the loss of Kathy is not a bad thing. Dwelling on it for hours on end is.

I love serving at the mission. I feel a breath of life every time I go down there. Which is really kinda weird because so many there are just so lost. But I feel God moving and stirring up something. I'm reaching out instead of sleeping in. I love it!

I also love the steps (and quite a few there are too!) that I am taking to fight cancer. I have learned a lot about how my body works and the more I know the more I can tell others.

I loved doing the Beth Moore study on Daniel. I learned so much about God and it was refreshing to learn about Him and not necessarily have it be about me in any way. I am a part of the plan, I am not the plan!

I love that my sweet sisters-in-love both went out of there way to tell me that they were praying for me today. Amy with the flowers and Taunda with the card. I could not ask for better sisters. God has blessed me with so much!

Sometimes I wonder why some lives get cut off so short while others keep on trekking on with little discomfort. I wonder why beautiful women like Kathy and Christie, who both love God so much, don't get to live very long. What is the point of that? But I don't feel angry. Just confused sometimes. I know that God is bigger than my heart, so He knows what he is doing. I just wonder about it, that's all.

Mostly today I am so incredibly grateful for my family. We live in God's peace and I feel it every day. That is not to say that it is always peaceful and quiet around here, but there is just a sense of knowing that I am not in charge. My little mistakes are not going to ruin everything. God has a plan for my family's life and I just need to let the Spirit of my Mighty God live in me and through me every day and things will be alright. Better than alright.

So as I sit here today being lifted up in prayer by my family and friends, I am so glad that this is the journey that God has brought me on. It is not my way, nor my will, but it is THE way. The only way, I am guessing, that could have brought me so close to God and to so many people that I never would have encountered if not for that week one year ago. My life has been touched by homeless people, breast cancer survivors, those who have now lost their lives to cancer, my friends and my family in a way that I never thought possible. God has protected my heart all along the way. Moments when I felt intense loss, He had something prepared for me to show me His light on the other end. My God is amazing and I could not live life to the fullest without Him.

So as I sit here one year to the day since Kathy made her journey home, I may have some moments of tears, but it is not overwhelming. What I am overwhelmed with is the love of friends and family. I don't just know you are praying me through this moment, I can feel it!

I am Blessed!

2008-04-27T23:01:00.002-05:00

I have such an amazing community. Russell has been in Las Vegas on a business trip (I'll let you know the details on that when I get them. It has sounded rough I'll tell you!). While he has been gone I have had someone from my Life Group here every night. Friday night Debra came and kept me company after the kids went to bed. Last night it was Mindi. Tonight Chance, Debra and their kiddos brought us dinner and Brian and Mindi were here as well. Brian did our yard this afternoon. I wanted to surprise Russell and Brian was great for doing it at the last minute. So I had great fellowship this afternoon.

This morning at church I had the opportunity to begin to understand a little more about God. See, we have this system where the boys play in the cave-like tunnel while I drop off Julia. Then I drop off Caleb and then Draden. Well today after dropping Julia off in her classroom, I turned around and Caleb was gone! GONE!!!!! First I went to his class to see if he just wandered over there, but he hadn't. He is a creature of habit and wouldn't just wander away at church. In a strange place, say the mall or something, sure. But at church we have a routine and he doesn't stray from routine. He also wouldn't go with a stranger without making a huge scene. But anything can happen and I started to panic. I quickly took Draden to his class so I didn't risk losing him. Then Chance left his post at the 5 year old room and started helping with the search. By this time I was crying and the sheriff on duty in the church was helping too. We did the quick rundown on what he was wearing while I was tearing around the kids area shouting for him. Finally we went back to the tunnel area and the sheriff told me to stay there and they would look. As a final resort (since I wasn't supposed to go anywhere) I checked the three year old room that he only spends Wednesday nights in. There he was sitting at the table coloring a picture! He didn't even know that he was missing. Someone had put him in the room. I don't know who and I don't want to know. I just want to understand what God was trying to teach me. Maybe it is...Even when I think God is missing from where I think He is supposed to be showing Himself...He is right where He is supposed to be. My last resort was the most obvious place. God is never missing, not even for a moment. He is at peace (or more accurately He is Peace) and is never frantic even when we are.

There are so many ways to apply this to my life and cannot even begin to describe them. But now I just have to refer to this day whenever I feel like God is missing. He is not missing. He will never be missing.

And Thank you God for taking care of my baby and not even letting him be in a situation where he could have felt lost. Help me keep focused on you so that I don't feel lost either.

I'm a Widget!

2008-04-25T23:16:00.001-05:00

Check it out! The Breast Cancer 3Day put a picture of me on a widget. I didn't even know what a widget was until today. You click on the widget and you can donate to the cause. Pretty cool!

The past month

2008-04-24T10:12:00.002-05:00

On April 7th, Amy and her kids and my three kids and I all loaded up in our two mini vans and took of for a week of fun and adventure to Branson. We left the men behind to do their making a living thing and we took a spring break trip. What a great week it was. We had so much fun with the kids and it was a great time of bonding for me and Amy and a wonderful time spent with the Lord. It is amazing what all you can fit into a day when you aren't stressed out with all the day to day chores of living! Many fun and funny stories about that week, and when I have time I will fill them all in.

I did want to add in here that we lost Stephanie on April 8. I found out about 15 minutes after she left us to go play ball with Jesus. It was 20 minutes before I was going to take the two oldest to a magic show. This was God's timing. He used a magician in a city far from home to comfort me. Isn't God cool?!?! All through the show the magician, Kirby, kept saying how these were all tricks and at one point said that the only real magic is the beauty of the world around us given to us by God. Then he proceeded to make a helicopter appear on stage right before our eyes! Wow! But that wasn't the best part. After he did that he sat down on the stage to tell us one last story. He began to tell us about growing up and visiting his grandma. Sitting on her front porch while she told him stories about Jesus. Then he started to so that trick with the string, where he breaks it into pieces. As he broke the string he talked about how our lives are broken and sometimes we feel lost and far from God. Sometimes we hurt and are filled with sorrow. (At this point he stuffs all the pieces of string into one fist and then slowly starts to pull it out) He goes on to say that if we put our trust in God and believe in Jesus for our salvation He will become the light in our dark world. (At this point one small part of the string glows BRIGHT green.) He continued on, And if we let Jesus do it, He will make us whole. (And at this point he pulled the string out and it what all whole again!) Okay, I have seen this trick done before, but it was the most powerful illusion of the night for me and the most meaningful! I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. God cared enough about me (who had only known Stephanie for a few months) to mend my broken heart through a magic show. He already knew!
I love God and I love how He knows before we even need what it is we will need!

Catching up

2008-03-14T22:25:00.006-05:00

I am sitting in a hospital room on the pediatric ward with my 2 year old nephew right now, so I have some time to catch up on the last few months while he sleeps. Let me back up to where I left off and I will work my way up to today. By the way, I just really stink at keeping a running commentary of my life. :)

The last time I wrote I hadn't even walked the 3Day yet. So, Amy and I walked it, every step. Saturday was the hardest. It took all of our will power to keep going, but we did it. It was an amazing journey from start to finish. On Friday night I went to interview for the 2008 campaign. Just being able to interview was planned by God. When I got the email about the interview I asked Russ if I could go (if chosen I would fly to La for four days). He said I would need to find someone to watch the kids so he could go to work. This was totally understandable because he would be missing work so I could walk the 3day. Well, before I could even call Amy to ask her to watch the kids I recieved an email from her. It was a forward of the email inviting people to interview with the message...I think you should do this, I will watch your kids. How much more did I need?!? So, Friday night I interviewed in front of a camera and the artisitic director of the 2008 3Day campaign. Apparently they liked me because I got a call the following Wednesday would I like to come to LA and tell them about Kathy again.

So off to LA I went. Looking back, I think that this trip was the reason I was led to the 3day. It was here that I met 16 other people who had walked the 3Day and became forever interwoven with their lives. These were some of the most amazing people that I have ever met. We spent 4 days together and will remember it for a lifetime. From this weekend came thousands of pictures and many many hours of footage for them to pic 120 seconds and 4 pictures. Well, they didn't pick any of my live interview, but I was chosen as the main poster girl for 2008. How amazing is that?!? The ad with my picture has shown up in magazines for the last three months now. O magazine, Every Day with Rachel Ray, Women's Health, and Shape. Very very cool!

Since that LA experience I have had months of wonderful days just living every day life. I serve breakfast down at the City Rescue Mission twice a week. I have met some really wonderful people there who have become friends. I have been blessed to get to know them and they have really touched my heart in so many ways.

My children are getting so big! The oldest is 5. He is such a joy. We are so alike in so many ways, so sometimes we battle, but even so, we have the best time together. When I started getting impatient with him just this morning, I went to him apologized and asked it we could start the day over. He looked at me, smiled sweetly and said, "I will always forgive you mommy. I love you and you are nice to me." I don't always feel so nice, but I will always know how much that little boy loves me. How blessed I am to be his mommy!
Then there is my 3 year old. My sunshine! We have just passed through the "I want to do it all myself " phase. That was not fun and everything took about five times as long to do, but now he allows for help. He is also so much more self sufficient because I let him learn to do all the things he wanted to do. He can button his own pj's because I let him spend 45 minutes doing it himself a few times. He is much quicker now. If there was ever a more patient child, I have never met him. This boy got all the patience that I missed out on when they were passing it out. A more persistant patient child probably does not exsist in the American culture! Oh, we have our moments (remember patience is not a natural fruit of my spirit) but as he does not even know how to throw a proper fit, the moments pass quickly.
Moving on to my baby. Who really isn't even a baby anymore. At two, she really knows how to be two. Super sweet one moment, screaming bloody murder the next. What an amazing little girl she is. She makes me so glad that God knew what he was doing when he gave us our "surprise baby." She loves to jump and dance and can most commonly be found sitting in her baby's stroller holding a baby wearing a bike helmet and using her feet to push herself around the house. I need to get a picture as it is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Life is genearlly pretty fun around our house. Since we have chosen to educate our children at home, we don't have the daily driving to and fro to drop off and pick up. We have hours on end of playing and learning. Well, as they are so young mostly what they are learning is through play. They are way to young to sit down with a piece of paper in front of them and circle the right answer. We play and we learn. A few days ago my 2 year old learned how to peddle her tricycle. That was some major gross motor skill education. Today we took one of the training wheels off of my 5 year olds bike. Not only is he learning balance, he is learning that learning takes lots of tries and lots of time. Sound like it isn't much, but he is kinda like me and if he can't get it right the first time he doesn't really like to keep doing it. So now he has something that he isn't great at yet, but he wants to keep trying until he gets it. Major change and growth in our world. Lots of things can be learned through play. I am so glad that God placed me right where He did so that Russ and I would come to the conclusion that home educating our children was the way to go. I would miss my kiddos so much if I sent them off to school. I think they are the tool that God is using to teach me to allow the Holy Spirit to flow the fruit of patience through my life. Where I am weak He is strong. I truly think that one day, patience will be my greatest virtue all because it won't be from me at all. I'm still learning and sometimes it seems I become weaker by the day where that is concerned.

Today was the first full day I have spent with them in a few days. Today is Friday. This past Monday my nephew was admitted to the hospital because he was vomiting blood and bile. Not just stomach acid, the stuff from his intestines. They ran every test known to man and finally yesterday did surgery. What he had was fixable and they fixed it. So now he is on the mend, but it is not a sudden feel better. He had a rough day today with the pain from surgery. Tonight we sent his mommy and daddy home (it took a lot of convincing) and his two aunts are staying with him tonight. We are taking great care of him by the way.
I've been away for about 15 minutes while he focused on me and had a bit of his little personality shine through the morphine. He is a sweet little boy and I think that he is going to be so much happier and at ease in his little body once he heals from the surgery. From what they have said, he has probably never known that his stomach wasn't suppose to be achy all the time. He will now be able to live without the constant nagging. God and his timing are so perfect.

So that brings us up to the minute. All that is left is to say that though I know that God's timing is perfct, we don't always understand it. Tonight I recieved an email from one of Team Talent (what us LA folk call ourselves). It said that Stephanie, another of the Talent and a breast cancer survivor, is in liver failure. Just a couple of months ago her heart went into failure due to the chemo. They figured that out and have been treating it. Then a tumor turned up on her brain. Now the liver failure. She and her son grace the banner on the Dallas 3Day page. I may not get to go back down to Dallas to see her. I know God's timing is perfect, but I do not always understand.

Almost time to walk

2007-10-22T14:15:00.001-05:00

Today is Monday. This past Saturday A and I did the 5k race for the cure in OKC. This Friday morning we begin the 60 mile journey through the Dallas area. One step at a time we will help find a cure for cancer. I have been crying at the drop of a hat lately, so I expect many tears this next week. But I know it is going to be an unbelievable journey, walked with thousands who have been touched by this horrible disease.

Going home

2007-10-15T12:34:00.002-05:00

Grandma, Peg and Denise headed home this morning after a wonderful weekend visit. I am a little sad as I love the time I have with them. I am so grateful to Denise for making the trek with them because they would have never been able to come without her. I had such a great time with them. And I am so glad that each of my kids got to spend time with their great grandma. She loves them so much, but I know another trip down here is just not possible for her. I want to get our family up to see her as soon as we can. Draden thought Grandma was so cool, and Caleb and Julia just enjoyed coloring with her and snuggling with her. That is really all she is capable of, and my kids loved every minute. I am so blessed to have a grandma like her, and so glad that at least Draden will have a good memory of her. We must get out to see her so Julia and Caleb will have good ones too!

Less than two weeks until the 60 mile walk. Some dear friends got me up to my fundraising goal, so I am all set! I am so excited!
Peace and a pop tart!

Kathy's Birthday

2007-09-15T14:36:00.000-05:00

Today would have been Kathy's 36th birthday. It's been hard to not feel kind of down today. I miss my best friend who has been in New York for a week. She'll be home tomorrow. I'm not guaranteed tomorrow, so I'm needing today to look brighter.
God, please lift my spirits.
Amen

what's up

2007-09-04T18:51:00.001-05:00

Okay, so I can now walk at least 13 miles in one day. Not bad. But not yet 20. I think I could actually do it but I have to find the time to do it. So I am well on my way to that goal. And I have two more months to train. A fundraising plan came to me on my last lap in my 13 mile treck, so I will be getting that under way in the next couple of days.

This friday I start my volunteer time at the shelter. I am so excited! It seemed like the process to get started kept meeting with roadblocks, but we are finally set up and we will go this week. YEA!!!

My quest to get Willie a car is not going so well.

Today I got an email that a little boy from our Tulsa campus drowned on Sunday. I have been praying all day that God would give us a new Testiment miracle and raise that little boy up. I am believing God no matter what. I want so badly to just go and hold his mommy, and I don't even know them, and I live two hours away. God is bigger than we can imagine, and He has a plan to reveal His Glory, we just dont know what that is right now.
My four year old drew a "ribbon" today during his homeschool craft time. Above it he "wrote" , "This ribbon is to remember Kathy. She died and is in Heaven with God." He made it for because he loves me. That is what he told me. What a precious gift he is!
I have all kinds of thoughts and emotions swirling in me today.

It's working!

2007-08-17T14:27:00.000-05:00

We are in day two of being a parent and not just a friend. It is going well. We struggled a few moments yesterday, but overall I think my kiddo likes that Mommy is in charge (even if he would never admit it!) Since I have had to be strict in the discipline, I have also had the most fun at the fun mommy moments. Today we built castles out of cardboard boxes and swords out of paper and shields out of smaller boxes. We painted and told stories. I have also had some quiet moments to myself because when I am with the kids I am all there and not distracted. So when I have wanted a few minutes to read they let me because they know when it is their turn I will be all theirs. I know this is not new information to anyone who has been parenting for as long as I have, but I finally figured it out. Amazing!!! :)
I know I will still have moments that aren't fun, but if I stay consistant, I know I will reap my reward. A wonderful man who respects God and respects women (starting with his mom first!)

I am a parent not a best friend!

2007-08-15T22:14:00.000-05:00

I am a parent not a best friend, I am a parent not a best friend. I was lovingly reminded that tonight by a dear friend, and also told that I need to always refer to Russ. Wise words. Now I just have to remember them. I want my children to repect me and God, but I am trying too hard to be a friend. I am a parent not a best friend I am a parent not a best friend. Thank you God for women who share the wisdom that only comes with years and experience!

blurb

2007-08-15T15:55:00.000-05:00

I am signed up and ready to go, now I just have to raise the money. It will come. Tonight will be my fifth night to train. A and I did 5 miles last night in just over 1 and 1/2 hours. Not bad, since we just started training. I'm a little tired today, but keep pushing on.

30 days to live

2007-08-12T21:18:00.000-05:00

So today started the new sermon series at church, "30 days to live." It was hard to watch, and I was on my own because Russell was watching Tiger Woods in Tulsa. At the same time it was confirmation that I am doing what I should be doing. I am leaving a written legacy (though I need to catch up on scrapbooking.) I am concentrating my time on family and friends and my new passion for homeless people. And I have made a goal for two things relating to Kathy. I am going to get her book written, and my sister-in-law and I are going to do the 3 Day Susan G. Komen walk. 60 miles in 3 days. We started training last night. I will walk about 5 miles tonight, but I am also going to take time to sit and watch the stars with my wonderful husband. The annual meteor shower is tonight and it is the new moon, so it should be spectacular to watch.
I'm gonna go so I can sign up for the 3 Day.
Peace and a poptart!

Kathy's blog

2007-08-09T21:33:00.000-05:00

I just finished copying Kathy's blogs into a word document. I am going to use them to write her book for her. I will now have to print and edit (for content) and then chase like mad after any more writing that she did. It is sad and a little odd to be reading what she wrote about day to day stuff now that she is gone. I wish I had known that she had the blog while she was alive. I would have commented and kept up. I would have been able to tell her that I knew she was grandpa's favorite, but never envied her. I knew grandpa loved me too and he saved a special squeal for me. As it is, I can't tell either one of them that I love them anymore because they are both fishing up in heaven without me. Well, I never was much of a fisherman, but I sure look forward to joining them when my time comes.
Ah well, life moves on here. Still fundraising for Willie to get him a car so he can get to and from his new job. I think that after we get Willie on his feet I may have another calling. While putting together this book for Kathy is a first step, I know that more can be done for those touched by cancer. Is that my place to step out to next? I dont know yet.

out of the woodwork!

2007-08-06T13:09:00.001-05:00

Just got an email from a good friend from the past. She was my maid of honor and I love her to pieces. I am so proud of her as she continues to get higher and higher degrees. Definitely smarter than I am, but that is a good thing. She keeps me thinking. I think about her a lot and admire how strong she is. I am so happy for her that she found a husband that treasures her like my Russell treasures me. It is the best thing to be married to your best friend.
Anyway, it was really good to hear from her. God just keeps sending me confirmations that I am loved. God has sent me friends that come out of the woodwork at just the right times. What with my own little family and my small circle of friends, I would say I have the loved area covered. And really, God is enough to cover me, but He knows that I need that earthly representation.
I love my friends and I am so thankful for the email I got today!

Get up and Walk!

2007-08-06T00:39:00.000-05:00

Ok, so I realized that I already talked about Willie, so I don't have to go into a lot of detail. But tonight he came to our "reunion" and the team members that got to make it all got to see Willie again. I was able to ask him his story about he ended up on the streets. It was Katrina and Rita. They washed away his home in the lower ninth ward. He stayed in the Super Dome. He witnessed horrible things that no one should ever have to live through. And what was he doing tonight? Calling us his angels and praising God for His goodness. He said one thing that really stood out to me. He said that Thursday night he was already getting settled to go to sleep when God told him to get up and take a walk. Well, Willie did not want to do that as he was already ready to go to sleep, but God kept telling him to get up and take a walk. Finally after having argued with God for a few minutes, Willie got up and took a walk. On that walk was where he met us. If Willie had not listened and obeyed, he would not be in Oklahoma tonight. He would still be sleeping on the most comfortable piece of pavement that he could find.

When God tells me to get up and walk, do I listen? If not, I could miss out on the blessings that He has in store for me.

What a day!

2007-08-03T23:37:00.001-05:00

Looking at my husband out the window as I write, and I know that I am incredibly blessed. A good way to end the evening, so I will be making this short. Today I got a mommy break and went with Amy to get a pedicure, my first. We got matching toes with pink ribbons on our big toes. It actually really touched the woman who did the little designs, and I got to share Kathy's story. Then I went on a date with Russell and we had a great time laughing and just spending time together. While out to dinner I got a call from Chuck S. who lead the mission to New Olreans. He said, "Guess who I just had dinner with?" WE FREED WILLIE!!!!!!!! I told him he made my day and I was having a great one to begin with. I love God and what he can do when we listen.
More on Willie tomorrow.

God is in the details

2007-07-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

God is in the little stuff. He is in the big stuff too. Pretty much, God is in every moment, if we will just open our eyes to see Him.

Two weeks ago I was preparing to go to New Orleans on a mission trip with my chuch. We bussed down there Wednesday morning, got there that night, and spread a little of God's love on the way. I also got the call that Kathy had gone to be with Jesus on that ride. God knew I would need that group of people at that exact moment to help me through. It was a most amazing experience to have perfect strangers loving me like they had known me their whole lives. Anyway, while we were in New Orleans we did a myriad of things, but my favorite part was meeting and loving the homeless that were living right across the street from City Hall. These people were amazing! Most that I talked to were not homeless before Katrina, but the rising cost of rent kept them on the streets, even if by chance they still had a job. But the heart of these people could only be matched by the heart of the team that was there to love them. We couldn't help but focus in on our new friends. We just wanted to love them and help them any way we could.

The best part of the entire mission is that we have not let it end! One man, Fraser, we were able to bus up to Missouri for a job up there. Now we are on a "Free Willie" quest. There was a man named Willie who actually led us to City Hall and is the reason we met all our new friends. Now we are trying to get Willie up to OKC and get him on his feet up here. Another family that was on the street has gotten the help they need to get off the streets. God didn't want our mission to end just because we came home, and we are listening to His call. It is the most amazing thing I have ever had the honor to take part in (other than my family), and the thing of it is, that we as Christ-followers are all meant to live like this. Helping those around us to feel God's love and power and grace. It is what we are all called to do, to live in reckless abandon for HIM.

God was in every detail of that trip and what has become of it. God is in every detail of my life, from where I was when I got the call, to Derron's recital, to who I met at the bookstore tonight. God is in everything. From the movies that my pastor chose for his sermon series, to the next series after this one, "If you only had 30 days to live." If I choose to believe that God is in every detail, then I know my life isn't left to chance. And better yet, I am not in charge.

Every moment with my children is a blessing. Every moment with my husband is an amazing blessing. Every minute I am here on this earth I want to be doing something that is meaningful for the purpose and the Glory of God. If God is in the details, then that is where I want to be too.

db

2007-07-29T21:36:00.000-05:00

I went to a concert tonight. The artist was Derron Bell, and his instrument was the marimba. He was a roommate of mine back in college, and I hadn't seen him since he sang and played at our wedding. To say that God made a way for me to be there is an understatement. I didn't have a sitter for the kids until yesterday, and then today her dog died and I didn't think I would get to go. I tried a last resort (only because I had used them so much lately and I didn't want to be overkill), and they said they would gladly take the kids.

The music he played was so healing for me. It was wonderful to see him again, and more wonderful to hear him play. He is so gifted, and to watch him is to see music in motion. As I sat next to Russell I felt my spirit lift, one song at a time. I could honestly listen to Derron play all day long. Then as he got ready to play his last song on the program, memories started flooding back. The last song was "Time in a Bottle", and it was one that we sang and listened to a lot when we were roommates. Not only is Derron the most talented percussionist I have ever heard, but I also like to listen to him sing. Imagine my pure delight when he began to play and then to SING this last song. I don't know why it was so healing for me, but it was. I guess that is part of what music is supposed to do.

Anyway, I know it is still one day at a time for me, but I also know that this evening was God's special gift to me to help me on my journey. Thank you Derron for sharing your gift. Thank you God for giving Derron his gift to share.

I was truely blessed!

Black hair and other dealings

2007-07-29T00:13:00.000-05:00

I dyed my hair tonight. It looks black, but we will see after a couple of washings. Why? you ask. When I was up in Washington to attend Kathy's funeral, I had so many people tell me I looked like Kathy. Never while she was living did anyone every tell us we looked alike. But know that she is gone I got it at least 5 or 6 times. Not that this is a bad thing, I thought she was beautiful. But now every time I look in the mirror I think of what she looked like on her wedding day, and I can't look in the mirror any more. I didn't say it makes sense, but there you have it. I didn't take my sleeping pill early enough tonight, so I didn't take it at all. Who knows how long I will be up. I don't think I am doing very well with dealing with her death. More than anything I want to spend as much time with my husband and kids as possible. At the same time I can't really grieve and be responsible for a household. It isn't working out too well for me. My husband asked me if I was depressed. It doesn't feel the same as when I had post-partum, so I would say no. But I do feel like I am pushing a lot of what I am feeling deep down just so I can do day to day life. Why do we as Americans feel like the grieving process should be over as soon as we bury someone? God didn't make us to grieve that quickly. But for now I just keep filling my time with playing or cleaning. If this keeps up for much longer I will have the cleanest house in the neighborhood, and most of my neighbors have housecleaners! I just don't hurt when I keep busy. I think it was a good thing when I was pouring myself into the people of New Orleans, but now I am avoiding feeling the hurt. At least I can label it, right?
Maybe this is how I am supposed to move on. By writing. Who knows.

My beginnings

2007-07-27T13:17:00.000-05:00

So my life began under some cloudy skies. My brother had just gotten out of the hospital after a battle with Spinal Meningitis. He lost his hearing, but he was lucky. He could have lost his life. So then I was born. I would say I had a pretty good childhood. I was definitly daddy's girl, which made sense later. I was a kid that could usually be found up a tree. I loved to read and I would get lost in the story lines. I still do that these days. I was a pretty good kid, and usually stayed out of trouble. There was some craziness that went on in my house, but we survived it.
When I was 15 my dad got a job that moved us from my lifelong home in Beaverton, Oregon all the way to Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. To say I was not happy would be an understatement. I cried and screamed and begged for a way to stay. What did I need cowboy hats and farms for? I had what I wanted in Oregon.

Of course, we do not always need what we want. The move to Oklahoma was the best thing that ever happened to me. I found a church that I liked, though I was the only one in my family to go. It seemed that a church in Oregon had hurt the rest of my family, and so they chose to let the mistakes of people come between them and a relationship with God. I began to feel at odds with the rest of my family. I was bullheaded and didn't know how to share God's love with them. I judged them and got frustrated when they judged me. I handled it very poorly, but I know that God has forgiven me for that, even if they haven't.

When we first moved, my mom began to look for ways for me to meet people. She did really try to take care of me. One thing she found for me was an an audition for a gospel choir called The Ambassador Choir. When I went to the audition, they took no time in telling me that anyone under 18 auditioned for the children's choir. I said that was fine as long as I got to sing. So they let me audition. When I finished singing, they asked me to wait out in the hall. After about 2 minutes, they asked me back into the room. Then they asked if I would like to join the choir. Not the kids choir, the adult choir. I was thrilled. I was only 15. I ended up being the youngest by 5 years. I was a little shocked when I walked into the first rehearsal. One glance told me I was one of 3 white people in the 100 person choir. But I had found my new home. Those people loved me like I was their own kid. Being in that choir was one of the best experiences in my whole life. Being in that choir led me right into the path of my future husband!

My cousin, Kathy

2007-07-27T12:19:00.000-05:00

So I decided to start a blog because of my cousin. On July 17, 2007, Kathy sang once again only this time it was while she was fishing with our grandpa up in heaven. She led a tough life and she battled hard for the last 7 years so that her kids would know her. She was not just an inspiration to her family, but to people all over the world.
Kathy kept a blog for a part of her journey. Her life ended at the age of 35. Which drove home the fact that none of us know how long we will be here. Should my life be long or short, I want to keep a log of even silly day to day things.
So, inspired by Kathy, this is what I have. I hope to write at least a few times a week. I love to write down my thoughts, but a normal journal won't work for me. I have what looks like arthritis that has attacked my whole body, so writing by hand hurts too much. Typing is still an option for me, for which I am very grateful.
I must go put the kids down for naps now, but will write again soon to kind of catch up on what has happened in the last 29 years.