Bon Jovi

Going back a bit....This is the sisters, all gussied up for Jon (Bon Jovi that is) We had a blast! We went and saw him when he came to OKC on April 15. Yep, just going back in time. I like the picture thing. I think I will back up again....very soon!

The blanks in my life

I apparently am not any good at keeping a blog that is updated. Maybe it is because nobody ever reads it. I should be more faithful.
So as soon as I figure out the finer things of blogging (such as how to post pictures and stuff) I will make it public and I will tell of the great things that have happened in my world. Can I pre-date my stuff? Because I could go back a ways and fill in the blanks. I don't want to have blanks in my life! ARRRGGGG!!!!!

One year

Today is July 17th.

What a journey this year has been. A year that God has really revealed Himself to me. He gave me opportunities to turn out and serve others instead of turning in and sitting in sadness. Don't get me wrong. Feeling the loss of Kathy is not a bad thing. Dwelling on it for hours on end is.

I love serving at the mission. I feel a breath of life every time I go down there. Which is really kinda weird because so many there are just so lost. But I feel God moving and stirring up something. I'm reaching out instead of sleeping in. I love it!

I also love the steps (and quite a few there are too!) that I am taking to fight cancer. I have learned a lot about how my body works and the more I know the more I can tell others.

I loved doing the Beth Moore study on Daniel. I learned so much about God and it was refreshing to learn about Him and not necessarily have it be about me in any way. I am a part of the plan, I am not the plan!

I love that my sweet sisters-in-love both went out of there way to tell me that they were praying for me today. Amy with the flowers and Taunda with the card. I could not ask for better sisters. God has blessed me with so much!

Sometimes I wonder why some lives get cut off so short while others keep on trekking on with little discomfort. I wonder why beautiful women like Kathy and Christie, who both love God so much, don't get to live very long. What is the point of that? But I don't feel angry. Just confused sometimes. I know that God is bigger than my heart, so He knows what he is doing. I just wonder about it, that's all.

Mostly today I am so incredibly grateful for my family. We live in God's peace and I feel it every day. That is not to say that it is always peaceful and quiet around here, but there is just a sense of knowing that I am not in charge. My little mistakes are not going to ruin everything. God has a plan for my family's life and I just need to let the Spirit of my Mighty God live in me and through me every day and things will be alright. Better than alright.

So as I sit here today being lifted up in prayer by my family and friends, I am so glad that this is the journey that God has brought me on. It is not my way, nor my will, but it is THE way. The only way, I am guessing, that could have brought me so close to God and to so many people that I never would have encountered if not for that week one year ago. My life has been touched by homeless people, breast cancer survivors, those who have now lost their lives to cancer, my friends and my family in a way that I never thought possible. God has protected my heart all along the way. Moments when I felt intense loss, He had something prepared for me to show me His light on the other end. My God is amazing and I could not live life to the fullest without Him.

So as I sit here one year to the day since Kathy made her journey home, I may have some moments of tears, but it is not overwhelming. What I am overwhelmed with is the love of friends and family. I don't just know you are praying me through this moment, I can feel it!

I am Blessed!

I have such an amazing community. Russell has been in Las Vegas on a business trip (I'll let you know the details on that when I get them. It has sounded rough I'll tell you!). While he has been gone I have had someone from my Life Group here every night. Friday night Debra came and kept me company after the kids went to bed. Last night it was Mindi. Tonight Chance, Debra and their kiddos brought us dinner and Brian and Mindi were here as well. Brian did our yard this afternoon. I wanted to surprise Russell and Brian was great for doing it at the last minute. So I had great fellowship this afternoon.

This morning at church I had the opportunity to begin to understand a little more about God. See, we have this system where the boys play in the cave-like tunnel while I drop off Julia. Then I drop off Caleb and then Draden. Well today after dropping Julia off in her classroom, I turned around and Caleb was gone! GONE!!!!! First I went to his class to see if he just wandered over there, but he hadn't. He is a creature of habit and wouldn't just wander away at church. In a strange place, say the mall or something, sure. But at church we have a routine and he doesn't stray from routine. He also wouldn't go with a stranger without making a huge scene. But anything can happen and I started to panic. I quickly took Draden to his class so I didn't risk losing him. Then Chance left his post at the 5 year old room and started helping with the search. By this time I was crying and the sheriff on duty in the church was helping too. We did the quick rundown on what he was wearing while I was tearing around the kids area shouting for him. Finally we went back to the tunnel area and the sheriff told me to stay there and they would look. As a final resort (since I wasn't supposed to go anywhere) I checked the three year old room that he only spends Wednesday nights in. There he was sitting at the table coloring a picture! He didn't even know that he was missing. Someone had put him in the room. I don't know who and I don't want to know. I just want to understand what God was trying to teach me. Maybe it is...Even when I think God is missing from where I think He is supposed to be showing Himself...He is right where He is supposed to be. My last resort was the most obvious place. God is never missing, not even for a moment. He is at peace (or more accurately He is Peace) and is never frantic even when we are.

There are so many ways to apply this to my life and cannot even begin to describe them. But now I just have to refer to this day whenever I feel like God is missing. He is not missing. He will never be missing.

And Thank you God for taking care of my baby and not even letting him be in a situation where he could have felt lost. Help me keep focused on you so that I don't feel lost either.

I'm a Widget!

Check it out! The Breast Cancer 3Day put a picture of me on a widget. I didn't even know what a widget was until today. You click on the widget and you can donate to the cause. Pretty cool!

The past month

On April 7th, Amy and her kids and my three kids and I all loaded up in our two mini vans and took of for a week of fun and adventure to Branson. We left the men behind to do their making a living thing and we took a spring break trip. What a great week it was. We had so much fun with the kids and it was a great time of bonding for me and Amy and a wonderful time spent with the Lord. It is amazing what all you can fit into a day when you aren't stressed out with all the day to day chores of living! Many fun and funny stories about that week, and when I have time I will fill them all in.

I did want to add in here that we lost Stephanie on April 8. I found out about 15 minutes after she left us to go play ball with Jesus. It was 20 minutes before I was going to take the two oldest to a magic show. This was God's timing. He used a magician in a city far from home to comfort me. Isn't God cool?!?! All through the show the magician, Kirby, kept saying how these were all tricks and at one point said that the only real magic is the beauty of the world around us given to us by God. Then he proceeded to make a helicopter appear on stage right before our eyes! Wow! But that wasn't the best part. After he did that he sat down on the stage to tell us one last story. He began to tell us about growing up and visiting his grandma. Sitting on her front porch while she told him stories about Jesus. Then he started to so that trick with the string, where he breaks it into pieces. As he broke the string he talked about how our lives are broken and sometimes we feel lost and far from God. Sometimes we hurt and are filled with sorrow. (At this point he stuffs all the pieces of string into one fist and then slowly starts to pull it out) He goes on to say that if we put our trust in God and believe in Jesus for our salvation He will become the light in our dark world. (At this point one small part of the string glows BRIGHT green.) He continued on, And if we let Jesus do it, He will make us whole. (And at this point he pulled the string out and it what all whole again!) Okay, I have seen this trick done before, but it was the most powerful illusion of the night for me and the most meaningful! I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. God cared enough about me (who had only known Stephanie for a few months) to mend my broken heart through a magic show. He already knew!
I love God and I love how He knows before we even need what it is we will need!

Catching up

I am sitting in a hospital room on the pediatric ward with my 2 year old nephew right now, so I have some time to catch up on the last few months while he sleeps. Let me back up to where I left off and I will work my way up to today. By the way, I just really stink at keeping a running commentary of my life. :)

The last time I wrote I hadn't even walked the 3Day yet. So, Amy and I walked it, every step. Saturday was the hardest. It took all of our will power to keep going, but we did it. It was an amazing journey from start to finish. On Friday night I went to interview for the 2008 campaign. Just being able to interview was planned by God. When I got the email about the interview I asked Russ if I could go (if chosen I would fly to La for four days). He said I would need to find someone to watch the kids so he could go to work. This was totally understandable because he would be missing work so I could walk the 3day. Well, before I could even call Amy to ask her to watch the kids I recieved an email from her. It was a forward of the email inviting people to interview with the message...I think you should do this, I will watch your kids. How much more did I need?!? So, Friday night I interviewed in front of a camera and the artisitic director of the 2008 3Day campaign. Apparently they liked me because I got a call the following Wednesday would I like to come to LA and tell them about Kathy again.

So off to LA I went. Looking back, I think that this trip was the reason I was led to the 3day. It was here that I met 16 other people who had walked the 3Day and became forever interwoven with their lives. These were some of the most amazing people that I have ever met. We spent 4 days together and will remember it for a lifetime. From this weekend came thousands of pictures and many many hours of footage for them to pic 120 seconds and 4 pictures. Well, they didn't pick any of my live interview, but I was chosen as the main poster girl for 2008. How amazing is that?!? The ad with my picture has shown up in magazines for the last three months now. O magazine, Every Day with Rachel Ray, Women's Health, and Shape. Very very cool!

Since that LA experience I have had months of wonderful days just living every day life. I serve breakfast down at the City Rescue Mission twice a week. I have met some really wonderful people there who have become friends. I have been blessed to get to know them and they have really touched my heart in so many ways.

My children are getting so big! The oldest is 5. He is such a joy. We are so alike in so many ways, so sometimes we battle, but even so, we have the best time together. When I started getting impatient with him just this morning, I went to him apologized and asked it we could start the day over. He looked at me, smiled sweetly and said, "I will always forgive you mommy. I love you and you are nice to me." I don't always feel so nice, but I will always know how much that little boy loves me. How blessed I am to be his mommy!
Then there is my 3 year old. My sunshine! We have just passed through the "I want to do it all myself " phase. That was not fun and everything took about five times as long to do, but now he allows for help. He is also so much more self sufficient because I let him learn to do all the things he wanted to do. He can button his own pj's because I let him spend 45 minutes doing it himself a few times. He is much quicker now. If there was ever a more patient child, I have never met him. This boy got all the patience that I missed out on when they were passing it out. A more persistant patient child probably does not exsist in the American culture! Oh, we have our moments (remember patience is not a natural fruit of my spirit) but as he does not even know how to throw a proper fit, the moments pass quickly.
Moving on to my baby. Who really isn't even a baby anymore. At two, she really knows how to be two. Super sweet one moment, screaming bloody murder the next. What an amazing little girl she is. She makes me so glad that God knew what he was doing when he gave us our "surprise baby." She loves to jump and dance and can most commonly be found sitting in her baby's stroller holding a baby wearing a bike helmet and using her feet to push herself around the house. I need to get a picture as it is possibly one of the funniest things I have ever seen.

Life is genearlly pretty fun around our house. Since we have chosen to educate our children at home, we don't have the daily driving to and fro to drop off and pick up. We have hours on end of playing and learning. Well, as they are so young mostly what they are learning is through play. They are way to young to sit down with a piece of paper in front of them and circle the right answer. We play and we learn. A few days ago my 2 year old learned how to peddle her tricycle. That was some major gross motor skill education. Today we took one of the training wheels off of my 5 year olds bike. Not only is he learning balance, he is learning that learning takes lots of tries and lots of time. Sound like it isn't much, but he is kinda like me and if he can't get it right the first time he doesn't really like to keep doing it. So now he has something that he isn't great at yet, but he wants to keep trying until he gets it. Major change and growth in our world. Lots of things can be learned through play. I am so glad that God placed me right where He did so that Russ and I would come to the conclusion that home educating our children was the way to go. I would miss my kiddos so much if I sent them off to school. I think they are the tool that God is using to teach me to allow the Holy Spirit to flow the fruit of patience through my life. Where I am weak He is strong. I truly think that one day, patience will be my greatest virtue all because it won't be from me at all. I'm still learning and sometimes it seems I become weaker by the day where that is concerned.

Today was the first full day I have spent with them in a few days. Today is Friday. This past Monday my nephew was admitted to the hospital because he was vomiting blood and bile. Not just stomach acid, the stuff from his intestines. They ran every test known to man and finally yesterday did surgery. What he had was fixable and they fixed it. So now he is on the mend, but it is not a sudden feel better. He had a rough day today with the pain from surgery. Tonight we sent his mommy and daddy home (it took a lot of convincing) and his two aunts are staying with him tonight. We are taking great care of him by the way.
I've been away for about 15 minutes while he focused on me and had a bit of his little personality shine through the morphine. He is a sweet little boy and I think that he is going to be so much happier and at ease in his little body once he heals from the surgery. From what they have said, he has probably never known that his stomach wasn't suppose to be achy all the time. He will now be able to live without the constant nagging. God and his timing are so perfect.

So that brings us up to the minute. All that is left is to say that though I know that God's timing is perfct, we don't always understand it. Tonight I recieved an email from one of Team Talent (what us LA folk call ourselves). It said that Stephanie, another of the Talent and a breast cancer survivor, is in liver failure. Just a couple of months ago her heart went into failure due to the chemo. They figured that out and have been treating it. Then a tumor turned up on her brain. Now the liver failure. She and her son grace the banner on the Dallas 3Day page. I may not get to go back down to Dallas to see her. I know God's timing is perfect, but I do not always understand.