Fingerprints of God

Our sweet Julia is a miracle. Period. But, so as not to leave you with a confused expression, I will explain. :) First of all we did not plan her, God did. Then she decided to slide into our world 8 weeks early. Well, she didn't really decide, the doctors did because she was shutting down my kidneys. (Remember this because we will touch on kidneys again here in just a bit.) A day or two before she was born the doctors ordered an ultrasound to check her vitals and to see if her lungs were working. (I had received those beautiful shots that make the lungs work sooner and my hiney hurt a lot.) When the ultrasound technician came in and got settled she grumbled that she didn't understand why she had to check the lungs because the lungs never work at 31 and 1/2 weeks, or 32 for that matter. I looked right at her and said, "You don't know how big my God is." She looked a little stunned that I would say that to her, but then just settled into her work. No less than two minutes later I heard her say, "I can't believe it, her lungs are working." HA!

So all my blood work got a little out of control and the doctors decided to induce. I say Julia slid into the world because that is how it happened. One big contraction, no pushing, no doctor, and the nurse just put her hand in the right place to catch Julia at the very last second. She got one puff of oxygen because I had drugs in my system to lower my blood pressure, and she was breathing/crying like a healthy full term baby. A true miracle!

Not once did I fret or worry about her or myself during this whole ordeal. I knew that God was in control and when she was able to eat on her own and maintain her body temperature I would get to take her home with me. God had this one covered and I wasn't about to take it from Him!

16 days later, on December 6th, almost 6 weeks before she was due, I got to take my little girl home. Not even 4 pounds and the most precious thing in the world!

She has not had to endure many of the trials that pre-term babies have to go through, but when there have been bumps in the road I would just plead for her to be left alone. I know there was one time when I got really mad at God only a few weeks after she was born because she got sick and ended up back in the hospital. But I have always claimed that I have never worried about her. And I think at the heart of it that is true. I have always known that God could and would heal her. I have never doubted that she would be healthy and grow into an incredible woman of faith.

But now, in the past couple of months, we have hit another bump in the road. Julia has some problems with her kidneys. Her right kidney is enlarged and her left ureter has a swinging valve and is letting fluid back up into her kidney. We got the official news on Thursday that Julia has grade II Vesicoureteral Reflux (VUR). When I heard this news I was fine. I knew God was going to heal her, either by a miracle of His hand or with modern medicine. There was not a doubt in my mind that God was bigger than this and that this was an easy one for Him. We had prayed God's word over Julia, and His word is truth.

And then I went to a women's event at my church. As I began to worship God in song I started to get mad at Him, like I did when Julia was in the hospital as a bity bity infant. I couldn't contain my tears I was just so frustrated. Why was God letting this happen? Why couldn't she just be left in peace to grow up healthy and strong and perfect?

At the end of the evening I had two very wise women speak straight into my heart. I am forever grateful to God that these two women took some moments to pour truth over me. You see, I hadn't learned to recognize the fingerprints of God. His word says that the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy. Jesus came to give life, and life to the full. (John 10:10) If it isn't life giving, it isn't from God. I shouldn't be mad at God because Julia is sick, I should be thankful that He came to this earth to give her life. And not just any life, but life to the fullest. I honestly cannot tell you what that looks like, but I can trust that God does. And because of that, I can rest in Him, knowing that He is totally in control.

I am still on this journey of discovering the details of God's fingerprints, but it is a journey that I am excited to be on. I am enjoying the real rest that I have discovered in knowing that I don't have to have all the answers, because my God does. And He loves my little girl more than I ever could.