Trust, Depend, Obey

Cheryl Lange is such an amazing teacher. This past weekend at the retreat she allowed God's word to just pour from her in such a way as to lead me right to where I need to be. I kind of felt like she was just talking to me. The best part was that she didn't just give it all to me at once. She delivered bite sized amounts of wisdom that when pieced together culminated in how to deal with my life's greatest challenge. Being a mommy.

For years I have struggled with my lack of patience. I could lose it quite quickly and then my voice would raise. Before I knew it, I was yelling at my kids. They are kids. Little ones. But God has been doing such a work in my heart to prepare me for the retreat.

I think it started with the trip to San Antonio to see Beth Moore. God started to pull my oldest boy to the forefront of my mind. Then throughout the weeks between that trip and the retreat I just felt more and more pull toward trying to figure out how to be a better mom. Like I could make the change on my own! HA!

But then I walked into the retreat (which I actually tried to avoid going to) and God turned my world upside down. Just the way He likes it!

Night one: Colossians 1:9-12 key word:power....comes from weakness and brokenness and humbleness(2 Cor. 12:9) The purpose of power is for endurance and patience. The amount of power? According to His glorious might. The RESULT? JOY!

This was when I became broken. See...I don't have a very hard time doing most things in life. My marriage comes pretty easy. (How could it not with a husband like my Russell?) I have the utmost patience and mercy and grace with most everyone. Except my oldest child. I saw that first night that God wanted to do a great work in me, but I wasn't allowing it. I was doing everything on my own. I saw then that what He wanted was to draw me to Him and He gave me my son so I would do just that.

There was a lot of release that first night, but I still didn't quite know what to do with it. Then came

Saturday morning: My identity in Christ: holy, blameless, and above reproach (Colossians 1:22) I need to stop living out of what I act like and begin to live out of who I am. When I rest in Jesus He empowers me to do anything He calls me to do. (v. 29)

So I walked away from this teaching trying to figure out the practicality of it all. How was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to just let Him have the power and be that person that He says I am?

Moving on to Saturday night! Two things stood out for me during this night's teaching. The first was from Colossians 2:6. Therefore, as you recieved Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.
We hear the phrase "walk the talk", but how exactly do we do that walk? Cheryl explained it in three steps. 1.Trust 2.Depend 3.Obey. We have to trust Him and that He is who He says He is. We have to depend on Him, that He will do what He says He will do. And We have to obey Him. We have to do the things that He tells us to do. When we try to meddle in steps one and two, we always mess things up. Then we choose not to do step three and we blame God or other people. All we have to do is walk those three steps.
The second thing that popped really huge in me was how Satan deceives us. (verse 8) He takes us captive in his lies so that we cannot let ourselves be filled with the power of God. There is also a 3 step battle plan for this. 1.Know who Jesus is. 2.Know what Jesus has done. 3.Know who I am in Him.

What He did can be so powerfully found in Colossians 2:13-15. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them.

What I need to do when I doubt who I am in Him is draw my line in the sand. What was my line when Satan attacked and told me I am not a good mom and never would be? That I would always lose my patience and always yell? This was when the practical kicked in. I needed to figure out my line in the sand. I left that night's teaching with thoughts racing, but no idea how to confront my enemy when he popped up. (which is several times a day.)

Then I had the most amazing conversation with my cabin mates. Only 5 of us remained for the last night and we talked until 3 in the morning. At around 1 or so I found my line.

I am the Mommy that God chose from the beginning of time for my three children. God does not make mistakes.


Not only did I have my line, but I had hope! Because I knew that I would fail at some point, but there is such a beauty to what Jesus did for us. See, He knew from the beginning of time that I would fail. He also forgave me for it the moment I came to Him and believed and asked Him to be the savior and Lord of my life! So there is no condemnation.

So I have my line, my defense against my enemy. And I have my hope.

And then came Sunday morning. The how. How am I going to be able to draw the line when I need to. See I have already established that this was too big for me. Even with the right tools I can't do it on my own. And the answer came in the form a a verse. (as good answers always do!)
Colossians 4:2 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

I pray every morning (and all day if needed). I recognize that victory comes from God and not from me. I ask God to help me draw my line when I need to. And I am THANKFUL! I am thankful that in Him I have victory. I am Thankful that He gave me my son so that I would have to draw near to Him. I am Thankful that I cannot do it on my own. Because if I could do it, it wouldn't get to bring God all the Glory that it will.

Philippians 4:6-7 sums it up nicely.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Got it all together

So when you look at the moms around you do you shrink inside because you think they have it all together? Do you think you could never be really real with them because they might think you a bit strange because you don't have it all together? Okay, I answer yes to these questions all the time. Then I volunteered to do the registration and room assignments (among other things...I really need to learn to say "no" more...or just quit volunteering when my plate is full...) for the Lodestar Fall Retreat. I decided to put myself in a cabin with people I thought had it all together. Maybe I could learn something from them. And I did! I learned that maybe it wasn't so strange that I didn't have complete calm in my house all the time. It was pretty "normal" that I felt alone sometimes. It was pretty "normal" to be a lot of things that I am and thought no one else was. What was said in that cabin will never leave that cabin, but it was good to be so deeply real with other women.

didn't like it

If you look closely, her little belly did not like the stickers. We took them off hours ago, but her belly has perfect little red marks. It freaked my poor husband out when he undressed her for her bath. When I showed him the before picture he laughed. Look closely and you can see an igloo, a cross, a fish. What else can you see? oh and you can't cheat by looking at the sticker picture. Those stickers came off and a new canvas went on a little later. But the same sort of stickers were used. That is all the hints you get!

the perfect canvas!

Who needs paper when you are born with the perfect canvas for foamy stickers?!?!?!? (and it made for a good fine motor skills activity :) which is why there were sticker backs all over my kitchen floor. I love it when they give my mess a really good excuse!) Notice the chocolate chip muffin leftovers on her face. Isn't she a miracle!

Music

Music is made of two things. Sound and Rhythm. At least that is what I told my little class today. My class is made up of my 3 nieces and my oldest son. We are going to do a 2 hour music/speech and drama class every other week. It should be fun! The group pic is Beth, Draden, Hallie, and Madison showing the world their rhythm makers. The other picture is how my son works best. Do you really want to know any more?

The face smash

How a four year old looks at 6 pm if he has played hard all day and not taken any sort of rest. I love him!!!!

slow down!

I am having trouble slowing down at night lately. Just check out the time of this post. Yes I do take a sleeping pill, but I seem to not be able to make the brain stop. I think this is a sign that I am trying to do too much.



Here is my man Dre with one missing tooth on top. This was two Thursday's ago.



Then the very next night he was missing both! Now we are just hoping it stays this way until Christmas. Sing with me...."All I want for Christmas is my _____ _____ _____!"

Too much fun!

The Best trip I have ever taken! Only made so much fun because of my very own bored gargoyle!


Notre Dame was amazing...it had better be after the 370 stair steps to the top.







What better way to turn 30 and spend your anniversary than in Paris with the best man in the world?












I must go to bed now, I am having too much fun!

Move over Beth Moore

So this is my new screen saver. A great reminder of what God taught me on the roadtrip to San Antonio. This group of women were used as vessels to change my life. Move over Beth Moore, here come the Edmond girls! (just a side note...Beth Moore was awesome and taught some amazing truths!)

love my babes!

These are my babies! Well, they aren't really babies anymore, but I guess they always will be to me. Julia (2), Draden (5 and 1/2..that half is important by the way), and Caleb (4). They are my mess and I love them for it! God is using them everyday to teach me things I never thought I would even want to know. But mostly, I live for the moments when Draden says, "Mom I love this, can we please do more home school?" Or when they laugh so hard they snort, or when they crawl up into the big blue chair just to rock with me. Not so much when they are my alarm clock at 7:15 with a not so pleasant..."No! It's mine!" But all the same. They are such a magnificent blessing, and I guess my greatest fear is that I will do them wrong. I'm told I can't, but for a girl who generally doesn't worry, if I had to admit my greatest fear, that would be it. One of the many things that God is using these wonderful children for. Teaching me to trust to my very core. Oh, how I love them!