Trust, Depend, Obey

Cheryl Lange is such an amazing teacher. This past weekend at the retreat she allowed God's word to just pour from her in such a way as to lead me right to where I need to be. I kind of felt like she was just talking to me. The best part was that she didn't just give it all to me at once. She delivered bite sized amounts of wisdom that when pieced together culminated in how to deal with my life's greatest challenge. Being a mommy.

For years I have struggled with my lack of patience. I could lose it quite quickly and then my voice would raise. Before I knew it, I was yelling at my kids. They are kids. Little ones. But God has been doing such a work in my heart to prepare me for the retreat.

I think it started with the trip to San Antonio to see Beth Moore. God started to pull my oldest boy to the forefront of my mind. Then throughout the weeks between that trip and the retreat I just felt more and more pull toward trying to figure out how to be a better mom. Like I could make the change on my own! HA!

But then I walked into the retreat (which I actually tried to avoid going to) and God turned my world upside down. Just the way He likes it!

Night one: Colossians 1:9-12 key word:power....comes from weakness and brokenness and humbleness(2 Cor. 12:9) The purpose of power is for endurance and patience. The amount of power? According to His glorious might. The RESULT? JOY!

This was when I became broken. See...I don't have a very hard time doing most things in life. My marriage comes pretty easy. (How could it not with a husband like my Russell?) I have the utmost patience and mercy and grace with most everyone. Except my oldest child. I saw that first night that God wanted to do a great work in me, but I wasn't allowing it. I was doing everything on my own. I saw then that what He wanted was to draw me to Him and He gave me my son so I would do just that.

There was a lot of release that first night, but I still didn't quite know what to do with it. Then came

Saturday morning: My identity in Christ: holy, blameless, and above reproach (Colossians 1:22) I need to stop living out of what I act like and begin to live out of who I am. When I rest in Jesus He empowers me to do anything He calls me to do. (v. 29)

So I walked away from this teaching trying to figure out the practicality of it all. How was I supposed to do this? How was I supposed to just let Him have the power and be that person that He says I am?

Moving on to Saturday night! Two things stood out for me during this night's teaching. The first was from Colossians 2:6. Therefore, as you recieved Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him.
We hear the phrase "walk the talk", but how exactly do we do that walk? Cheryl explained it in three steps. 1.Trust 2.Depend 3.Obey. We have to trust Him and that He is who He says He is. We have to depend on Him, that He will do what He says He will do. And We have to obey Him. We have to do the things that He tells us to do. When we try to meddle in steps one and two, we always mess things up. Then we choose not to do step three and we blame God or other people. All we have to do is walk those three steps.
The second thing that popped really huge in me was how Satan deceives us. (verse 8) He takes us captive in his lies so that we cannot let ourselves be filled with the power of God. There is also a 3 step battle plan for this. 1.Know who Jesus is. 2.Know what Jesus has done. 3.Know who I am in Him.

What He did can be so powerfully found in Colossians 2:13-15. And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with Him, having forgiven all our trespasses, by canceling the record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands. This he set aside, nailing it to the cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them.

What I need to do when I doubt who I am in Him is draw my line in the sand. What was my line when Satan attacked and told me I am not a good mom and never would be? That I would always lose my patience and always yell? This was when the practical kicked in. I needed to figure out my line in the sand. I left that night's teaching with thoughts racing, but no idea how to confront my enemy when he popped up. (which is several times a day.)

Then I had the most amazing conversation with my cabin mates. Only 5 of us remained for the last night and we talked until 3 in the morning. At around 1 or so I found my line.

I am the Mommy that God chose from the beginning of time for my three children. God does not make mistakes.


Not only did I have my line, but I had hope! Because I knew that I would fail at some point, but there is such a beauty to what Jesus did for us. See, He knew from the beginning of time that I would fail. He also forgave me for it the moment I came to Him and believed and asked Him to be the savior and Lord of my life! So there is no condemnation.

So I have my line, my defense against my enemy. And I have my hope.

And then came Sunday morning. The how. How am I going to be able to draw the line when I need to. See I have already established that this was too big for me. Even with the right tools I can't do it on my own. And the answer came in the form a a verse. (as good answers always do!)
Colossians 4:2 Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving.

I pray every morning (and all day if needed). I recognize that victory comes from God and not from me. I ask God to help me draw my line when I need to. And I am THANKFUL! I am thankful that in Him I have victory. I am Thankful that He gave me my son so that I would have to draw near to Him. I am Thankful that I cannot do it on my own. Because if I could do it, it wouldn't get to bring God all the Glory that it will.

Philippians 4:6-7 sums it up nicely.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with Thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.